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I'm A Sensitive Guy

In two of my past relationships I've been hypermasculinized by my exes. And I was left to cry by myself in bathrooms to teach me to man up. So yea. There's that. I'm very dominant, I like being protective, assertive. I'm just coming to terms with a more sensitive side of me. It's sort of like I have two personas sometimes, I am a true Gemini after all. So I'm a tough, manly guy on one hand, and on the other hand I'm sensitive.

And I really, really crave touch. I'm scared of touch. I don't want to feel bad and dirty. I want it to feel right. I have an hourglass body shape. I don't want to feel bad about having hips and a nice ass. I've been ridiculed for my body before. I used to want to break my hips with a hammer because of dysphoria. My hips are where I'm most vulnerable in my body. And what I really want is to have my hips grabbed and I want to be hugged hard from behind. I never had that. I always wanted it. So yea. If I get that then I'm probably going to break down and cry from happiness.