Lust and Candies

35

My heart has weakened. The new resolve I had after moving on from my past started crumbling before me.

I'm not even sure my heart is ready for this heartbreak.

But then, no one is ever ready for a heartache. Mine felt like it's barely functioning, and it's drunken with pain.

My sane thoughts started to slip away and the remaining strength that I have in me slowly fading, and I think this isn't a foreign state for me since I was barely breathing before Jungkook came and saved me.

I thought Jungkook has found me when I was lost, but I guess it was temporary. Because in the end, it was me who needs to find my own self.

I thought I can be by his side. but it turns out I need to be alone until I can spread my own wings, break free and fly.

Even with a bitter heart, even with an empty fall back, I'd move forward.

And then I felt a liquid dropping on my bare skin, my eyes immediately looking up the sky.

It was dark and I can see drizzles slowly starting to pour.

"Great, now even the weather is sympathizing with me," I grunted.

But my body doesn't seem to feel bothered by the cold as I start to feel numb.

"Fuck," I mumbled.

The pain inside me, it's unbearable. It feels a thousand more painful like I was left with nothingness. It was like I am falling down on a black hole and I don't know if I can still cease to exist.

With my face on my hands as I keep from crying.

The drizzle started getting stronger until it was already raining. But I didn't move even after all the people came rushing to find shelter out of the rain.

I stayed on the sidewalk hoping that the rain will wash away the pain that is killing me.

My heart felt so empty. And even though the cold rush of the rain made my body shiver, deep inside, I felt nothing.

I don't have any place to go and right now, I'd need a whole lot of courage to get back and get my things from their dorm.

Lisa...

I suddenly remembered my friend. She must have been confused right now.

Not a bit do I resent my friend for being with the person I love. It has been so long since we last saw each other and judging from how she acted earlier when she saw me, I was sure Lisa didn't know a thing.

She's a sweetheart, a pure little ball of sunshine. I can never get mad at her.

To be honest, I'm madder at myself for neglecting Jungkook.

It was all my fault. I know I was just so stupid to let what we had all go to waste. Or maybe I had been too complacent?

My hands balled into a fist.

Am I strong enough to let him go?

Looking back, I don't regret ever hopping that bus and meeting him and saving him from his fans.

And even though I am hurting like hell right now, I'd still say I love him. If my pain is what it takes for him to be happy, I'd gladly take it all.

This time, I want to be the person who sacrificed for him.

Because I want him to be happy...

I didn't know how long it has been but after a while, I realized the drips of the rain falling on my body weakened.