Crazyyy

I WISH

  I wish I knew what to do with my life, what to do with my heart...I do nothing all day, boredom settles in, I look at the sky so I get to feel even smaller than I already feel and my mind keeps poisoning itself uselessly.  

  I hope there's more to life than this  

  I want to buy you a cup of coffee on your best and worst days, write you notes and leave them scattered around your house, show up on your porch in the pouring rain with my ukulele just to say hello, send you postcards brimming with adventures and run away with you for weekends with no maps. I want to love you in a litany of little things  

  There are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is one  

  Sometimes i feel like i can be toxic to the people around me. i harbor so many ill, sh*tty feelings inside, and eventually i just pour them all onto everyone and everything surrounding me. of course i don't mean to.. but sometimes i have no control over it. or.. over myself i guess i should say. i try to be - and stay - as positive as humanly possible, but f*ck. i'm so tired. i'm tired of never having an outlet. i'm tired of being everyone else's outlet and not being thought of in return. i don't mean to be sad all the time but i genuinely can't even help it. i could probably get better at attacking problems and situations as they present themselves so that i don't always do these massive blow up things. but.. i haven't reached that point of detachment just yet. i'm still working on me. still a work in progress. hopefully, i get better. at being a better person. soon. or someday, at least  

  If you want to stay in your corner of the world forever, do it. Go to the same restaurants, be friends with the same people, walk the same streets. If you're happy, you don't need to travel the world. You don't have to cross state lines or backpack across Europe to know you're where you belong.
If you want to leave, don't let someone stop you. Run as far as you can and experience the life you want. Throw yourself into new cultures, make mistakes, and learn as much as you can. Get bored and go back home or fall in love and never go back.
We all need something different and no one can tell you what that is. Sometimes you have to do what scares you, do what you love, or do what is hard. Above all else though, you have to do what's right for you. If you live your life for other people, you'll never really live it  

  The great thing about beginnings is the endless potential... the fact that anything- or nothing- can happen and we have no way of knowing which will. The great thing about beginnings is the fact that they're full of questions and possibilities and hope and fear all at the same time. But the best thing- the absolute best thing about beginnings- is that they're the furthest thing from endings  

  Stop.
Take a deep breath.
Listen to the sound of your own heartbeat and just for now, stop worrying.
Stop overthinking those next weeks, the next exams at university or this thing which means a lot to you.
None of them will have the power to destroy you or make you fall.
Think of the last time you were proud of yourself. 
Not your parents or your friends but YOU.
The last time it felt as if your heart would burst because of all the joy inside, think of the last night where you reached your bed lightheaded and fell asleep with a smile on your face and warmth in your stomach. 
Behold this moment, this glorious feeling of appreciation your own deeds and acknowledged the effort you make each and every day.
You're worth it