Dear World #LoveSimon

Dear World,

I'm a heterosexual girl, soon to be nineteen and an artist. Art is my passion and love to share it with the world. The world that I sometimes want to escape from, but in reality there is no escaping it. Almost all my life i've been living with anxiety and depression, I have try many ways to solve my problems, but nothing seems to work.

My 'father' left me when I was around five years old and till this day I am not interest in speaking to him wherever...he is for that matter. When I was younger I was rarely bullied due to the way I looked and dressed back then. Since then I tried my best to change my looks and try to be self confidences. But almost two years ago I change my style back to my old self. Because I felt like I needed to hold on to something that I felt real comfortable and confident in. 

During the past I have been confess a few times, but I kindly declined to every one of them. I felt I was too young to date or just was to scared to even start a relationship. Till this day I remain single and still waiting to build up some confidence in getting into a relationship. I have had romantic feelings for someone, but I forced myself to push does feelings away, because I somehow had the feeling that it was never going to work out.

When It comes to making new friends...I'm extremely terrible at making the first move, because I felt like was being a bother to the other person. Though I have made friends and some of them slowly stop talking to me..at some point I thought that maybe I was too boring to hang around or to talk to. But luckily I still have a few close friends that I love dearly like they were part of my family. I sometimes tell them my personal problems to them and they would always write back reassuring words that made me feel better at times. I rarely talk to my mother of my personal problems, because sometimes I don't think she understand what it feels like living with an everyday day anxiety and having these negative thoughts consuming your mind every now and then.

I am currently in college and majoring in computer animation. I still haven't gotten my drivers license due to creating a couple of terrible scenarios in my head. I still haven't gotten a job due to my social anxiety, just thinking about being interview with a complete stranger alone in one room, got my heart racing like i'm about to have a heart attack.

I'm afraid yet somewhat excited what might the future has extore for me. Who know, maybe I will be a well known artist in social media, making fantastic arts, making movies or making cartoon tv shows.

Well, farewell reader and wish me luck.

Love,

KinoShy