The last time, this is the last time I screamed. I was alone, I was hurt, I gave my all to someone who was now a stranger amongst the world. This is the last time.
I can't remember how I got here, pain was my drug, and the addiction I have to it wakes me up at three a.m telling myself I'm not worth it.
3:32 a.m
Carlsbad, California.
It's about the sixth time this week I've woken up from dreams burning through my mind until I'm forced to believe they aren't dreams they're memories, they're pain. I live here on my own, in a traveling car, it's more convenient for someone with a wandering mind. I can just pick up and leave everything behind without remorse.
I've traveled here in search for something I'm not sure of yet. I see hear new stories, new feelings, see new faces, but none of them belong to him.
He's the one who drove me here, who sent me into sleepless nights, into being an individual with no self awareness anymore. An abused, and lied too individual.
I'm not indifferent of many people you pass everyday, you don't realise the shit lives people actually live at home until you begin to know someone, surprisingly it doesn't take too long to get to know someone; now people are in fear of it, or talking, of looking someone in the eye; having a conversation that's more than a generalised hello, and a how are you with the reply " I'm good".
No one is "good".
You start to figure that out once you realise we're all broken, we're all up in the middle of the night screaming into pillows, staring down drunken bottles, downing one too many pills that you're prescribed.
None of this is new to you, I know.
I'm just here for your convenience of knowing you're not alone, for you to feel better about yourself, or maybe to enjoy my pain, or
maybe you're apathetic, like I've become, so welcome.
I hope I can become your entertainment in a world so fast, so that you reading this, I'll know something matters to you. I guess I'm this case, it's you taking the time to listen.
