In Too Deep

Chapter Twenty - Game & Set

"Yes. I'm sure." I say. "Sometimes families have traditions." This kid can really give a filthy look.

"They shorten Mimosa to Mimi." Louis tells me, ignoring Jack. He seems to be fascinated with the Tiffany, Mercedes, Paris and Mimosa family. I'm not sure what to say to that. I spot my jeans at the bottom of the bed. Could I execute some stealth like manoeuvre and grab them and put them on, under cover of the duvet? I catch Jack's eye and see a little smirk. He knows what's going on, the little bugger.

"Hey, boys. I really need to get up and use the bathroom. Do you want to wait for me downstairs? I'll come and make you breakfast and your mum a cup of tea."

"We'll wait here." Jack replies, totally deadpan. There's a gleam in his eyes. He's definitely goading me.

"Did you use a comdon?" Louis blurts. What the fuck? Did he just say that?

"He means condom." Jack says. "Year six are doing sex education. They tell us all about it at play time." Great! What a perfect stage in the school curriculum, for me to start seeing their mother.

"They all had to shout out all the words they knew fora boy's willy and a girl's va.." Louis looks questioningly at me. I say nothing. No way am I answering that. "Miss Clarke said it would get all the giggling out of the way before she taught them properly. Tiffany brought in a banana and a thing to stop babies; a comdon."

"Right." I think I might actually be sweating.

"He means condom." Yes I got that Jack.

"Miss Clarke said the proper word was sheaf."

"Sheath." Shut the fuck up Joshua!

"That's it. Did you use one?" Louis is looking around the bedroom again, obviously looking for evidence. "Tiffany put one on the banana. She had a detention because Miss Clarke said it wasn't appropriate for year six." This conversation is not appropriate for me and I'm thirty four. Beam me up Scottie. Please!

"Does Miss Clarke know Tiffany is telling you all this? Does your mum know Tiffany is telling you all this?"

"Mum bought us a book called 'Where do babies come from?' She explained what happens and how you make a baby." Did it involve special cuddles and Storks and gooseberry bushes? I'm pretty sure that's all I knew when I was seven. I certainly didn't know what a 'comdon' was.

"Right." Think for fuck's sake.

"Boys, I bought you something; a little present. It's in the boot of my car. Shall I give you my car keys and you can go and get it?" Bribery! I'll resort to bribery.

"Ooh. What did you get us?" Louis is all big blue eyes.

"Two minutes and you can find out." I grin.

"We're not allowed outside, if Mum's still asleep." Jack's not impressed.

"No? OK. I get that. I'm awake though. Leave the front door open. You'll be seconds. I'll be straight down." Just the few seconds it takes to get my jeans on.

"Come on, Jack." Louis urges. "It will be fine." His blue eyes turn back to me "Where are your keys?"

"Right here." I grab my keys from the bedside table and throw them. Louis catches them perfectly.

"Great catch. Just press the top little button and the boot will open." He's gone. Thank fuck.

"The key to the front door is in the little drawer of the hall table, Jack." I smile as he lingers for a little longer. His eyes are telling me he knows what I'm up to. Nell's boys are bright. I'm exhausted and it's not Nine O'clock. I keep smiling. I shall smile until my jaw fucking aches.  Eventually Jack sighs, throws me a filthy look and follows his brother.