Why It Ends

Chapter 5 - There are Reasons Behind Pain

I seemed wrong. Jake wasn't my first true love. He wasn't my first everything. Jake was just my second but my worst heartbreak

Christian was my first love. A love that I thought I will never remember. A love I thought that was lost. A love that I regret that I did forgotten

"You didn't talk to me during your show. But I thought that maybe you're just too busy to entertain me. To entertain your old lover"

He smiled as he said those words but its not like the smile he gave me a few seconds back. Its a sad, lonely and longing smile

"Do you...do you still hate me after all these years I left you? Without a word?"

I shook my head as an answer but he didn't seem to believe it

"Its okay, you can tell the truth"

I gave him a genuine smile and looked at him straight through his eyes

"Its been so long Christian. The day you left of course I was mad but at the same time hopeful. Hopeful that maybe one day you'll contact me again. But as the day past by, little by little I understand. I knew how we don't have a choice back then. I knew how our voices will not be heard cause they're not as important as what our parents think. How we can't complain because we knew that its only in our best interest that they did such decision. And we're still young back then. We would never handle such long distance kind of relationship"

He smiled. A one joyful smile. I can see how his little eyes became more little by the way he smile

I looked at him and examine the changes that he had. His facial features became more manly than the teenager that i knew back then. I can imagine how the girls would smitten over his love. How other girls would do anything for his affection and attention. As I scan the little changes I suddenly remember the things that we both did before

Our movie, lunch, and dinner dates. How I would skip my music class just to support him in his basketball practice. How I would love to go bring him chocolates that my parents gave me from their vacation. How I would do anything just to go to his house and take care of him when he's sick. And I clearly remember now, how and why I was head over heels with this guy back in the old days

"I missed you so so much Lucy, my love" he cupped my face as he looked intently into my eyes

"You don't know how I longed for this moment to happen. How I would exchange anything I have just to make it last"

"I missed you too Christian"

He assisted me to stand up as he did the same and invited me to lunch to catch up with each others life

"Just like the old times?" I said as he nodded in my question

We went out of my office and he guided me out towards his car. I immediately went to the passenger's seat as he opened the door for me and as I sat down he assisted me in putting on my seatbelt. 'What a gentleman' i thought. He shut the door down as he half run his way towards the driver's seat

Before he start the engine he look at me as if memorizing every tiny bit of my face

"I can't believe you're infront of me again" I smiled at him as I hold his right hand

While he's driving he kept on telling stories about how his life has been since the day that they left the country. How he struggled against his homesickness as they stayed longer in that place. How he managed to make some friends and adjusted to their culture. And finally how he tried finding love but didn't succeed

As i looked at him, many realization comes to my mind. One of those was....

Maybe this was one of the reason why he needed to go to the states before, for us to grow apart. For us to learn how to stand in our own feet. For us to learn how to hope that if we didn't work out the way we wanted to that day, maybe someday we will

And maybe this was one of the reason why I didn't work out with anybody else

  

Why me and Jake needed to end that way. Why I needed to get hurt so badly. Maybe he was the twist and turn in my life story that would make me want to go back to my past, to meet my future

One of the reasons why we end 

This maybe my reason behind my pain... Finding my better half again

And I'm hoping that maybe the guy infront of me will be my knight in shining armor. The one who will save me from this distress. The one who will make me realize that even though I'm not as whole as he found me before, I'm still likable 

That he can still love me wholeheartedly, even though I can only gave him the little pieces of what's left with me

I want to start hoping again. Hoping that this will be one of the good reasons of why we end