I found out my bestfriend is in a phyic ward . . sort of like a rehab place. I found out on May 29. And I dont know why, but it kills me. I tried to vent to a few people. but all I get is 'Really?' 'Wow' "how come shes in there?' not once did anyone ask me how I felt. I mean . . I know I'm not in there, but it makes me feel like Im not suppose to be depressed that shes in there or something. Like what I feel is wrong. Am I not suppose to feel hopeless, depressed, angry, useless, that she's in there? What am I suppose to feel? What am I suppose to do? I'm hoping for the best, but the things that could happen scare the shit out of me. What if shes not the same? What if she doesn't come out for a really really long time?
How can no one ask how I feel? I dont want to seem so self centered, but it honestly makes me think that I'm not suppose to be so depressed thats she in there. How can feelings something be wrong?
Ever since I found out, all I do is think about her. I cant see her, I cant even talk to her. and Im so scared, and I dont think I'm suppose to. Do you have any idea what thats like?
When I found out, I felt like a part of me died. Like, she was dead or something. I am not trying to be dramatic, I'm being honest. I cried my heart out that night, and most days all I can do is think about what shes doing in there. How shes stuck in that hospital, sleeping in a hosptial bed for god knows how long.
I know shes getting the help she need, and I'm so happy she finally is . . but whats gonna happen when she comes out? I dont know what I'm going to do.
I'm scared, I'm depressed, I'm angry. BUT NO ONE ASKS HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER BEING IN THERE. AND I DONT KNOW IF FEELING THIS WAY IS 'RIGHT'. . .
but no one cares anyway. so fuck it, we all die eventaully. just some before others.
