If he only knew || Thomas Sangster

#4

"God I missed you", he whispered with his nose in the crook of her neck. She chuckled at the sudden sensation of tickling.

"You just saw me two days ago, Tommy!", she laughed.

"Too much time!", he pouted.

She shifted her eyes towards him and kissed his forehead.

"My beautiful baby."

Thomas closed his eyes at her gesture of affection and lifted his chin so he could kiss her lips.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, Thomas gathering his thoughts and ideas on how to should properly start the conversation.

"Hey Bells", he finally said. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

Bella shifted her position onto his lap to look at him better.

"Yes? What is it?"

Thomas licked his bottom lip before looking her straight in the eye.

"Well you know we are together for a couple of years now and I think we get along pretty good..."

He paused, waiting for her to take in his words.

"Go on...", she said.

"And you know how I love you, even though I'm most of the time away. But I think it's time for me to settle down. So I was wondering if...it is ok with you to...make the next step and move in together?"

He said the last sentence as a question, for her not to feel any pressure, even if he felt he was ready to buy a house and move in with her the next minute.

Isabella didn't say anything for a couple of seconds, only took in a deep breath. Looking at her, Thomas didn't see what he had expected.

"Bells? Please say something", he pleaded.

Bella turned her blue eyes from him and smiled sadly. She felt chills down her spine and suddenly the room seemed too cold.

"Thomas, I...don't know how to answer this", she finally said.

Thomas felt like his heart stopped. He waited for her to continue and she did after a couple of seconds:

"This...is too much for me. I love you, you know I do, but as you said you're away most of the time and I'm not ready for such a commitment."

She was breathing uneven, trying to hold back her tears.

"I'm sorry, Thomas!"

Thomas' heart shattered in a million of pieces in just one second. His eyes were wide open, looking shocked hearing her words. He had a fugitive thought of her declining this, but he was much more confident that she would agree. He was definitely not prepared for this.

"But love...", he started to say not really knowing how to continue.

She let her tears fall and he did the same, hugging each other. Thomas pressed his lips onto hers and felt the taste of the salt.

"Don't you at least want to think about it?", he tried again, talking against her lips.

"Stop it, Thomas!", she begged. "Don't make this any harder than already is!"

Bella pulled him closer, swinging them back and forth with her body still onto his lap.

"My beautiful, beautiful baby, I've never meant to break your heart like this", she whispered to him.

Thomas felt the whole room spinning around him. He grabbed tighter onto her thin body, refusing to let her go.

"So this means it's over?", he quietly asked.

"I'm so sorry", she said again as for answering his question.

They stayed like that in silence for a good amount of time, almost like being afraid to let go to one another. But when the time has finally come for Bella to leave, Thomas' eyes were already dry from all the tears. He felt his head pounding and he could see the girl's bottom lip shaking. It was a good feeling still having her in his arms, knowing that as soon as she leaves, his world will crush to the ground.

"I should better go", she finally said, her voice weak.

They looked at each other with a sad smile on their faces, trying to get ready for the new feeling of emptiness they were about to feel.

"Take care of yourself, Bells. I hope I'll see you around sometimes.", Thomas said.

She nodded at his words, whipping the last tears from her eyes. She didn't have the power to say something more; she just stood up from his lap and headed towards the door. Thomas followed her and as soon as she was about to step outside, he grabbed her hand and spun her around, kissing her for the last time.

"I love you, never forget that!", he half whispered half yelled, gathering all of his power and love into that last kiss.

"I love you too, Thomas!", Bella said kissing back. She tangled her fingers through his blond strands, pulling at them with all her power just to feel him for the last time.

And then as quickly as the kiss started, it ended when she pushed him back and ran away.

Thomas stood there watching her leave, feeling a sudden urge to scream and to curse the whole world for being so cruel. He felt empty and lost inside as he realized he had to face the world alone, without her anymore.