A Second Heart

A Second Heart Beat

I felt sudden pain in my feet as the soles gripped the planks. The sun cooked the ground as an oven roasts a chicken in the window of a close by diner. The rays of sunlight reflect off the ocean and shoot like bullets into the sky. I can almost feel heat rising off the water and seeping through the floorboards of the dock I am perched at the edge of, staring, just staring into my reflection. I step further, dodging what seems like every citizen of England and the travelers all in one place, just for this event. The door of the ship seems to grow farther away, as I creep closer.  I can feel the force of the wind pushing back the flag draping from the outer walls of the ship. It feels like every aspect of the earth around me is so different, but they fit so well together.

I must hurry to the ship, for Charity is waiting for me. Her eyes are green like the beautiful light that seems to reflect off the grasses of a beautiful spring meadow. Her hair is soft like a warm summer breeze, and light as the weight I feel on my shoulders when I'm with her. Her lips are pink like the roses on the prairie and her physique is one of a goddess.

  I shall meet her in America. For she has been ill for a while, and she was sent to be hospitalized in New York City at the Urgent  Health Hospital. She is going to get surgery to remove a brain tumor.As I set foot into the ship, I feel liquid build under my eyelids, but I shall not worry for my Charity, for I have prayed to God and it is a sin to worry, I will let him take care of the rest. For I have waited many years for God to send me the perfect woman, and he would not take her away after such.

I look up from  my thoughts and the curved staircase, embedded with gold, rimmed with oak, and built up of pure silver, is already behind me. As I look out my window I realize the land is too. The beautifully engraved clock hangs from the front wall of the ship. I pay no attention too it, time is a concept of man and no matter how many seconds I count, they will still feel longer as well as every beat of the heart, every blink of the eye, and every image that runs through my brain of Charity, my heart of feelings will always stop for.

  I have a heart that is an organ in my body, and a heart in my mind, both are vital to my being. And both effect every other piece of me. If I lose her, I will have no reasoning to keep my heart, for the only part of me I truly love is her.

My mind is racing back and forth from thought to thought, I almost have time enough to get up before we have spotted land. I haven't eaten in days, for I haven't even left my room. I walk deadly, almost as a worn spirit, to the exit of the boat. Then someone sparks my mind, Charity. Cars go by me, but I don't hear or see a thing. All I can do is walk. I see a light, shining in the sky, and I faintly here horns beeping. I just keep walking, through the moving traffic, over the rising bridge, and through all the pictures in my head of Charity.

I see her, walking towards me.
Her hair seems faded, her face sunken , and her green eyes a dirty brown. I run to embrace her but all I embrace is air. I could have sworn I felt her fingertips shush my mouth before she disappeared. The doctor quietly whispered, "sir". In my ear, then louder, and louder! I could see clearly again. She asked me to enter the room of Charity. And so I did. Her pale face was not complimented by her warm smile, for it was blank. Her body was emptier then my heart. Tears flooded my eyes. "Charity?" I could feel the tears building. I felt completely empty for a second. The only thing I could feel were the tears rolling down my cheeks. And at that moment I died too. My heart stopped beating. For it had nothing to carry on for. I fell over dead while holding her empty body. Together we lay there, she was finally happy, finally free of worries. Finally really alive. In heaven. Yet I was in this place closer to the deep pits below the earth where nothing was good.

   I opened my eyes as much as I could, but I could not keep them open for it felt as if every ounce of water from every ocean was held to my eyelashes. I remember falling, but I remember no pain. My body had already taken in enough pain that the cold hard concrete felt soft on my head.  Her voice kept telling me to get up. I tried to move, but I didn't. I couldn't. I was drowning. The water had risen above my head finally and I did not even bother to swim up, I couldn't. After years of watching bridges fall and dams rise I am not afraid of the water. Compared to the water, I am weak. I am nothing. Nothing but a coward. A coward to my own emotions. How can I not control myself when this is all in my head? I will be okay God has a plan, I thought to myself over and over, but the water kept rising.
- [ ]
When I got home I sat, I saw, and I melted. I melted into the pure form of what I was drowning in. Emotion. I'm familiar with my home, it's where I generalize my safe place to be. In the dark my home is mysterious and unfamiliar. Even with the sun out, if I close my eyes and walk, I would surely reach a dead end.  When I'm asleep, however, time flies so quick. I close my eyes and I know when I'm asleep, because I feel nothing. But for some reason, somehow, I'm still conscious of everything.   I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't. The living quarters I sat in were weirdly dark. The once white walls, grey. The once Red couch, grey. My smile, invisible. The fire in front of me was radiating no light. The only light was coming from the picture of me and my Charity on the mantle.