Travis the Goat Man

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"Do you have any goats?" Travis asked Otto while recording an episode for Awsten and Travis' Slumber Party.

"Uhhh, no." Otto replied.

"Oh, disappointing." Travis sighed.


                                                                              3 Months Later

"Hello?" Awsten mumbled with a cracked voice, struggling to open his eyes and wake from his deep sleep. It had barely gone 6am, it was too early to deal with happy farmer boy Otto.

"I don't have Travis' number, so I'm calling you." Otto said with excitement in his voice.

"Yeah, get to the point. Why are you calling me at 6am?" Awsten snarked. It was very easy for him to become annoyed, especially while on the phone to Otto. The cell reception was, shit at best. 

"Well I was just inspecting the damage to the farm after the hurricane, and found a goat, tangled in our fence. I rescued it and it's in the barn now. I know Travis is super keen on goats. It's quite a drive out here so I don't expect you to come, but just let Travis know for me" Otto said, swiftly hanging up the phone.

Awsten let out a deep sigh, 'He couldn't just text me?' He thought. 

Travis loved goats. Like, really loved them. He even had a picture of a goat as the wallpaper on his phone. Weird.

Awsten texted Travis the mediocre news he had received from Otto and drifted back to sleep.


A couple of hours later, Awsten was rudely awoken to yet another phone call, however this one from Travis.

"You aren't going to make me drive all the way out to butt fuck nowhere to see a motherfuckin goat are you Travis?" Awsten said in a serious tone, not even bothering to greet his close friend at the other end of the line.

"I will drive! Please Awsten!" Travis pleaded. Awsten didn't understand why it was so important for Travis to see this goat. 

"I don't know man, I had planned to demo some stuff for Friendly Reminder today...but I guess if it's so important to you we can go." Awsten couldn't be bothered arguing with Travis. Besides, he figured he may as well demo with Otto.

Travis showed up to Awsten's house half an hour later, rocking his most dashing farming attire. A red checkered shirt, blue washed dad jeans and gumboots. He had even shaved so that his traditional moustache was now a goatie. Awsten only had one pair of black jeans and a plethora of tank tops, as well as one pair of black boots; his favourite to tour with. None of his clothes were suited for a post-hurricane farm, but for Travis, he took the risk. They picked up some snacks and OJ from H-E-B and prepared for the long journey to the farm. For a damn goat. 


"Ah yes, I love the smell of fucking horse shit in the morning" Awsten said as they stepped out of the car upon arrival to the farm. He peered over to the house to see Otto stumbling out of the door while trying to put his gumboots on at the same time. 

"I didn't think you lot would show up!" Otto yelled out to them from across the yard, "not the best day for it!" He added. Awsten scoffed in agreement, while Travis closed the door and locked the car.

"So, where's the goat?" Travis said eagerly as Otto approached them.

Otto pointed towards the barn on the other side of the yard as he said "Hello to you too, Travis."

Travis dashed towards the barn. Literally running. Awsten and Otto chose not to follow, shocked and confused.

"We will be inside demo-ing then!" Awsten yelled to Travis while storm clouds neared. They walked inside, laughing at Travis' extreme desire to see the goat. 


A couple of hours had passed, and it seemed odd to Awsten and Otto that Travis had not come inside at all since they arrived. Otto made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Travis. Awsten tagged along to see the goat, he had spent over an hour in the car to come here after all. They crossed the yard and entered the barn, door wide open. Otto immediately dropped the sandwich. Awstens eyes followed the peanut butter and jelly sandwich to the ground, then back up and focused on an extremely disturbing sight. There, in the corner of the shed, Travis was soaked in mud, spooning the goat and caressing it's long horns. 

"What in tarnation!" Otto yeehawed like a true Texan farmer.  Awstens jaw dropped. Travis laid his now red, demonic eyes upon them. Without hesitating, he gritted his teeth and whispered "Baaaaa Baaaaaa, game over bitches."

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