Love in Aisle 3

Chapter 1. Barely Bareable

I was unwanted, judged, abnormal, alone in this world. The mother who was supposed to be the one trying to talk down these things I thought of myself, instead was the one who placed them inside my head. But I don't blame her, I can't expect her to give the advice that she herself can't even take for herself. She wasn't the mom to really pay any mind to my existence, as I got older it felt as if her love went away with each year that passed. We basically just live under the same roof, myself craving her attention and to know for once that she loved me while she walks passed me without even a glance. 

She wasn't the worst though, I can't judge her for her decisions or for her absence in my life. Because deep down I know she is just as broken as I am, and somebody made her the way she is just as she had me.  My mom is a strong women, you might think I'm crazy for believing such a thing, but it's those who have been hurt the most who have the hardest time loving. She could have left with my dad 17 years ago when she had me, but she stayed. It's not much to assure myself with, but it's something, and when you feel so alone and so unneeded, something is everything that keeps you going.

We lived in a small two bedroom house with a big backyard. It was pretty much the dream house you described as a child, all it was missing was it's white picket fence, and the happy family. 

The attic was my room, I could have had the bedroom beside my mothers, but something the attic had that the room did not was a large window overlooking the thick woods which started at the end of our property. The way the leaves blew, and the tree swayed with the winds dancing to the song of the birds that fly so freely. 

We had just moved from New York a couple of months ago, of course it was still summer and I had all the time in the world to not think about starting my Senior year in a new school. But it seems the world doesn't have all the time, because now I had a week before my first day. And I haven't even gotten my supplies. My mom was never a believer in early shopping, needless to say you can thank her for my extraordinary gift of procrastination.