Trigger warning, mentions of cutting and blood
My dad came back and I was able to hug him again and listen to his jokes, I was able to see my dad again. It was so nice, life was good. Then I woke up. It was like I lost him all over again, it hurt so bad. When does the hurting ever stop? When will I feel okay again? So many people have had it worse but it just eats at me everyday, the depression is slowly eating at my soul. I want to talk to someone, but I can't reach out. I feel like a burden even if they say it's okay, I don't want to text. I want to be able to talk, to cry, to fucking break down and just have someone tell me it's okay. I'm always so alone when I cry, I'm so young. My life already feels useless, I can't change it. I don't want to feel like this forever, how am I supposed to enjoy life when I'm hurting inside and out. How am I supposed to pretend like it's okay when I could end up like him so easily, I'm already addicted to to the pain and FEELING. What's next? Cutting again? The blood makes it feel so much fucking better right? But I can't do that. It's unhealthy and it hurts me and the people around me, I don't want to. I assumed I'd be dead before the age of 18, it's coming up in a few years and I'm still here. I've planned college out, but what then? Are any of my friends going to actually stick by me? how am I supposed to get into my desired college when I can barely pass school classes I like, how am I going to overcome this when I can't even get motivated to work out? I just want to be back in my dream, where it's all okay. Please
