to the health of married women, and their lovers

• Marriage •

Helene slipped on her veil, nervous for her big day. Normally, she'd be excited. Today was her wedding day! But it was also the day when she was tied down to Pierre forever, the day that marked the end of her life as a single woman, and the end of her life as she knew it.

If only it were Dolokhov she was marrying, rather than Pierre. He would hold her close and tell her that everything was going to be okay, he would kiss her and hold her hands. She loved him, but she had to move on from that. Dolokhov was a penniless soldier, and Pierre was rich and respectable, a woman of her standing running off with a man like Fedya would've been unseemly!

But still, she could not help but wanting him.

As she walked down the aisle, her breath hitched in her chest. Her heart sank, and she found it hard to breathe. Helene Kuragina was hardly scared of anything, and yet, in this moment, she was terrified. Terrified that she may never see her Fedya again.

"Come on, Helene, you can do this. You can do this." She took deep breaths and continued to tell herself this. She just wanted the wedding to be over, she wanted to be rid of Pierre. If Dolokhov were here, he would put his hand in hers and whisper something sweet and reassuring. But he wasn't, and she had to move on.

As she finally reached the altar, she took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was strong. Settling a little, she finally looked up from her hands, fixating her face on the crowd. She looked around. There was Anatole and her parents, in the front row. All of Moscow society was behind them. But Fedya was nowhere to be seen. Then again, what would she have expected, for him to show up just to watch her marry someone else? As much as she wished he was there, she knew that him being there would pain him, and she didn't want to do that to her Fedya.

She turned to the side, where Pierre and the priest were looking at her, waiting to start the ritual. She nodded and reminded herself that she could do this, that she was strong and independent and could handle herself with Pierre. Trying to keep calm, she stood quietly and listened to the priest start the ceremony.

The priest conducted the vows, said something in Russian, and then sprinkled holy water on Pierre. Helene watched as Pierre promised to care for her in sickness and in health, and a lump caught in her throat as she realized next would be her turn.

The priest then turned to Helene, said the same words in Russian, and sprinkled holy water on her, as he conducted her to take her vows.

"Do you, Princess Helene Kuragina, take Pierre to be your husband, to love him, honor him, cherish him in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

Helene choked back tears as she said those binding words. "I do."

Did she though?