The Dynamic of self destruction

"It's every time of day"

It's 4am and I so happen to be thinking of you.
Lying tired, and alone.
Facing the ceiling; counting the times I daydream of you.
36... 37
Why--when I know that there is no chance...do I pedal my way back to you on a rusted unicycle that I've just begun to ride?

It's 7am and my alarm clock is ringing, but not yet have I begun to hear it's shrieking.
Eyes bloodshot and dry with small dotted crusts of dried tears that I have to pick away with.
You're still on my mind... never truly left... made it your home have you?

It's suddenly 2pm and I've skipped lunch and breakfast
Too hungry to eat
Too lonely to starve...
I venture on.
Fake smile on my face, for no one knows that I carry emotions on my shoulders.
You are still there. Slowly becking me on... Why? Why? Why?
For you no shame in my imagination?

It's 6pm and I've nibbled on something organic
Ready to hit the sack before I am ready to finish an insomniacs night
How lonely this life can be--
I really just wanted to find my own real me...

It's 10pm and I'm in my bathroom
Soaking..
In all the emotions I've hid away
The expression on my face relaxed and unclear
Blood dripping down,
Me listening
Ear to ear.

It's 4am and I so happen to be thinking of you.
Lying tired, and alone.
Wrapped, throbbing wrists that lie on my slowly moving chest
Facing the ceiling; counting the times I daydream of you.
56...57
Why--when I know that there is no chance...do I pedal my way back to you on a rusted unicycle that I've just begun to ride?