Days, weeks and months passed, still I can't forget you or even tried to erased your whole existence from my life. Seasons did changed yet you stayed in my mind all the time.
"You need to move on. For god sake! Even if you're in this state, he will not be coming back to you. You guys decide on this didn't you so stop grieving. Snap out of it."
Now, I don't think I can forget you.
I've been seeing someone; he treated just like how you did, that I know I didn't deserve to be treated that way but why is it that I'm still going out with him? Despite knowing that there's no one like you and he can't be you.
"Good morning princess. Did you have a good sleep? I've brought you breakfast? Why don't you come down and let's eat it together?"
"Wait, there's something on your hair. Let me get that for you... okay done. Now you look pretty again, as usual."
"Where are we going today? Oh, can we grab a bite first before going to the movie?"
"Those guys have been giving you dirty looks aren't they? Can you please wear my coat, or god knows what will I do to them."
"I hope you will have a good rest tonight. Thank you for agreeing to go out with me. It means a lot. Good night."
Like a fool, I've been asking myself the sane question over and over again.
Spending my usual night strolling at the park we used to go, to ease my heartache yet it didn't subsided. It gotten worse because I keep searching for you, in case you'd still be here.
Don't you know that I still longed for your love?
I remembered back then, the magical words you said to me, under the cherry blossoms tree. Your 'I love you' still lingers inside my mind, even now. Your heated face, and reddening cheeks.
"I know our meetings are rushed... but we been seeing each for other for a while... I just want you to know that... my feelings towards you... I love you..."
How I wish you know that I've been missing you so much. But why should you? I bet now you're happy with someone else. My heart ache again at that thought.
Why'd I have to lose you? A person like you?
I kept playing a scenario in my head of what if I run into you while you were with your girl and you see me. Would you just walked away and ignored my existence then?
"Is it someone you know?"
"Of course not, come. Let's go to your favorite place shall we?"
"Okay, hands? I want to hold hands with you, my boyfriend."
Staring down to the ground and without me realizing it, I already started crying with just the thought of that hurtful scene.
My heart started to ache so badly because I think of you.
Should I meet that person again? Even if he's not you and he can't replace your existence in my heart.
Unconsciously I asked myself that, like a fool because I already know the answer to that very well.
There's no one like you.
Now when I see you with someone else, you're even happier with that person. Way happier than you were with me.
"You're kidding, right? Don't tease me so much! I hate you!"
"Aw, I apologized for being such a douche. Here, I bought you a gift."
"Oh my god! Isn't this the one we saw at the shopping store earlier? Thank you!"
I'm sorry.
I was a fool that doesn't believe in love and often taken things for granted. I took you for granted. You gave me love and I betrayed that.
"Aren't we going out? Why are you meeting another man?"
"We are? I thought you were just joking?"
"Those lovey dovey things we did back then? What does that means?"
"I did it all the time... are you misunderstood something?"
I grasped my clothes, my hand formed a fist and I hit my own chest, like I'm trying to ease the pain I've been having. Choking on my own tears.
It just hurts so much, when I kept regretting something. The words I wasn't able to say back then.
"I confessed... so aren't you going to say something? Anything? Perhaps... a reply?"
I gathered all of my courage and went to you, you who looked so shocked to see me again after all those years we went separate ways.
You was kind enough to ask about my condition when you noticed my bloodshot eyes and ruined makeup look.
My heart ache again for the countless of times because you still treated me nicely.
The girl besides you already started to become uncomfortable with me, I could see it. Why not? I'm the ex her boyfriend used to loved.
The hands that clings to him got tighter and that's my sign. The words that I couldn't say back then, even if it hurts me now. I should just say it and get over it.
Because you're happy with someone else now and not me.
"I love you."
I started walking and never looked back, for a while. I stopped and unconsciously I was in a sobbing mess again.
It ache so much, this heartache. Why I was such a fool before for not realizing that you're the best gift that I ever gotten?
I turned my back, just to see you for the last time and yes, you were there, hugging your girl. Your eyes went red, is it because of me?
I hope you will be happy now, even if I can't. You have to because you deserve it even if it's hurting one of us.
Let me live while remembering that you used to loved me for the rest of my life. That is enough for me.
