Fuck Me|| Ethan Dolan

12

SOFIA NADIN

It's been 4 days since me and Ethan broke up... I still can't believe he would do that to me. That day we cuddled and told each other that we love each other. I wasn't lying he was.... that's what hurt me the most. I told him I loved him so much and he did too but his was a lie and mine wasn't

I get up from my bed for the sixth time in 4 days. I've only eaten cake and water. I haven't even washed my face brushed my teeth or even charged my phone. I only sit or lay and watch the tv or the city alone.

People have knocked on my door and I opened it expecting it to be Ethan or Grayson but it was only my neighbor giving me my mail that got in his. I put a note outside the door saying "not here out on vacation" right after he gave me the mail. Today I'll try to get up and actually take a shower and do what I used to do.

I put my phone to charge and I go into my bathroom. I strip down and turn on the shower. I brush my teeth and wash my face with cold ish water and I feel myself awakening more

As I feel the bathroom get hot I go back and I put it at the right temperature and I go in. I stand under the water that's mostly cold and I look into my white shower wall right in front of me. Great... that's where Ethan washed my hair the first week we were together

I get my shampoo and I shower not letting Ethan try to get into my mind but somehow he always creeps into my head. I hear me and Ethan's laugh just outside the shower curtain and I look only to see Ethan smiling and kissing my forehead

I close the shower curtain and I take off my shampoo. I put on my conditioner and after letting it sink in for a minute or two I take out and I turn off the water. I wrap myself in a towel and I put my hair in a t shirt because it supposedly reduces friction or some shit like that

I then just brush my hair and put on lotion for my face. I go into my closet and I see a whole stack of Ethan's pants and shirts... I wanted to cry but I couldn't cry. I have to learn to feel nothing for him. I suck it up and i put on a black flowey dress that goes up to mid thigh. Then I put on a black hat and black sandals

I go to my mirror and get my makeup. I fill in my eyebrows lightly, then my foundation and I do the rest. To finish it all up I put Rhiannas fenty highlighter on and I looked at myself and smiled, slightly.

I get up and go to my kitchen and get my car keys with my wallet. I go out of my apartment and into my car and drive to Toast to get an actual meal. As I was on the way I put my phone on mute since all I was getting was notifications

When I got to Toast I was heard cameras clicking and i immediately look over to see who it was and i saw the twins. I then felt tears in my eyes and I felt one escape. I sniffle and wipe my eyes

"Sofia!" I hear Grayson yell

I look at him and then at Ethan and another tear falls down my face. I get up and leave Toast and now I'm getting photos taken of me.

"Sofia are you and Ethan Dolan still dating?" I read the camera and it said TMZ. I look at him and furrow my eyebrows

"Ask him. He should explain everything." I said shrugging my shoulders and walking faster. When I get into the parking lot I go into my car and back out carefully so I won't hurt anyone

I then drive to a place I know where it is alone and quiet and I have supplies. It was about an hour drive but I was driving quick so I got there in 50 minutes.

When I got there I see a car drive off but I didn't pay attention to it. I parked in the abandoned parking lot and got out going to the little beach where no one goes and as I go i feel weird and i have a feeling that's someone is watching me so I take my knife and pepper spray with me

I sit down and look at the ocean and I start to cry as I played the song "Marvin's Room" by Drake

A few minutes later I stop crying and all I hear is my sniffling and the ocean waves crashing repeatedly. Right then i hear my name being called and i see that it's ethan. I get up and wipe my tears away and I furrow my eyebrows confused on why he's here

"Sofia can I please talk to you" I hear Ethan say as he walks closer to me

"There is no need to talk Ethan. You already fucked up you can't go back now" I said crossing my arms and wiping my tears away

"Look Sofia. I just didn't know what I was doing. I am not ok mentally and I didn't know how to deal with it until I started to be who I was before! I disgusting man, Sofia! I don't know how to react in certain situations like this one!" Ethan yelled

"I fucking love you I just don't know what to do! I'm having all these mixed emotions and me coming home giving you a fake smile and fake love! I didn't know to react in this situation!" He explained tears starting to fall down his face

"Ethan, look. You should've just told me. I gave you all my love and lust to you! You made me love myself before falling in love with other guys! You made me, me! When I saw you with that fucking girl I couldn't even speak or look at you!"

"You disgusted me and disappointed me so much Ethan! You were sleeping with other girls when you could've explained how you felt to me!" I yelled crying

"Sofia i loves you so much that i hurt you! I hurt you! Mentally! I was trying not to hurt you mentally so I never told you but little did I know that I was being hurt mentally by not telling you and i did this to us! I was trying so hard not to hurt you that I hurt you!" Ethan said now falling to the sand crying

I stood there deciding weather or not to go and hug him and tell him that it'll be ok

"Ethan. When you get yourself straight come and talk to me. Right now we're in our feelings and we don't know what we're doing" I said wiping tears away

He looks up at me and all I see is his face red and tears going down his face while he pants trying to get his breath back

I walk away and I look back to see him still staring where I was standing

"I'm sorry Ethan" I said crying