will include depression and self harm so don't read if your going to get offended.And some swearing. :)
( Chloe's POV)
"i know Beca doesn't feel the same as i do. She has a fucking boyfriend Chlo. She obviously isn't going to love you is she? Shes in love with Jesse, i want her to love me. i want Jesse's girl. she doesn't even know im into girls. Bisexual specifically. You know when you love someone so much yet they are so unaware you love them, you just want to lock your self in a room and just cry your self to sleep. its constantly me feeling like that. Its getting out of hand... the fact i hurt myself because i love her so much. i know its not okay. No one has noticed i even do it. i just wear long sleeves and its not even been questioned, so its fine. Its like i cant talk to anyone about it. Not Aubrey, she'd freak if she knew i self harmed, and was in love with Beca at the same time, ugh its just so hard... anyway i off to sleep now, early rehearsals tomoz" i put my pen and diary down and put it back on my desk, no one ever comes in my room other than Beca.. But i can trust her right?
I should really sleep, till i saw my phone light up, it was Beca.
from Beca: hey chlo, i know that its quite late but i just wanted to check up on you cause you don't seem yourself lately, just know if you ever need to talk to anyone im here for you. love you <3
to Beca: hiya, yeh im still awake was just about to go to sleep, im fine thanks, just been tired lately, we seem to be rehearsing a lot lately. love you more x
little did she know what type of love it actually was not just in a friendly way.
from Beca: good, glad your okay. ill see you tomorrow, im going to sleep now, maybe ill see you in the shower? lol anyway i need to talk to you tomorrow. xxx
i noticed she added a few more kisses than she usually does but i brushed it off knowing she was just being kind. the shower joke... what did she want to talk about? does she know i love her? what if she knows i.. hurt myself? oh shut up Chloe, just reply and go to sleep.
to Beca: alright, looking forward to seeing you. sleep well xxx
i put my phone on charge and got under the blankets and pulled the pillow closer to me, hoping that one day it could maybe be Beca... i fell asleep.
(the next morning, still Chloe's POV)
i woke up at the same time i usually do and looked at my phone, another text from Beca..
From Beca: morning Chloe, im awake before you for once lol. can you come to my room? xx
To Beca: hey, ive just woken up yeah just give me five mins and ill be over at your room. xx
i left my phone on the side and walked into my bathroom and grabbed hold of one of the blades.. i cut my arm, blood dripped all the way down, i quickly grabbed some tissue to try stop the bleeding.. it made me feel better doing this. i grabbed a bad aid and put it over my cut then pulled my jumper back down. then walked to Becas room. i knocked on her door.
"Chloe!" she opened her door and quickly pulled me into a hug, Beca hates hugs.. i obviously hugged her back it felt amazing. we both pulled away, smiling, thats probably the first time in aged ive smiled properly. we both sat down on her bed. "right chloe.. i just wanted to say me and jesse broke up, well i broke up with him, cause im in love with this girl.. whos a bella, and was nice to me since we met.. we had a moment in the shower.. singing titanium, yeah and shes sat right next to me ..." WHAT?! SHE ACTUALLY LIKES ME!
"W-What?"
"chloe.." i pulled her in and kissed her softly and she kissed me back. after a few minuets we pulled away. "chloe.. will you be my girlfriend..?" she honestly is the cutest.
"of course i will" i said kissing her again..
ill tell her about the self harm one day...
