Over again - Liam Payne

Change my Mind - ONE

The end of the night
We should say goodbye
But we carry on
While everyone's gone

Faye

I was waiting so long by now, just to get this one short chance.

A chance to speak to him.

Liam Payne.

I have been reading through several articles in any kind of newspaper saying he has been having a very hard time all his life and I know that it is me who caused these self-doubts.

I felt very bad since I heard he went on X-Factor that year, when I changed school. I really can not explain the reason for being that stupid little bully kid back then. He has been such a nice kid and what did I do? I just told him about his issues, I made his Self-esteem, which was almost not there, to even shrink more, if there was any left.

And as he developed, as I grew up, I realised what I have done to his life. He is having problems talking, problems trusting and also issues about himself since then and all I am saying nowadays is that I feel like it is my fault.

I feel like I have to try to make it up to him, to cheer him up and make him feel better. Because I was the one making him feel worse, even though he did not have to worry about anything.

He was a brave Child. He loved doing his music, that is what I could not. And I was jealous. Jealousy is a big emotion, telling that a small kid they would never understand. But now I understand, more or less, that I was Jealous-driven and acted through that side of myself, which I should have never. I could blame my parents for not raising me properly, like they have never told me that it is not allowed to steal someone's belongings. They did not really care about me getting older, so they just hired Nanny's and Au-Pairs' to take care of me, but let me tell you something. How are those people supposed to teach me anything. Do you ever listen to someone who is barely even a lot older and wiser than you are? Do you ever trust someone else besides your parents, well or no one?

That brings us to the decisions I have made turning 18 last year.

1. I have to say sorry to everyone I hated and bullied and try to make it up.

2. Do not be so prejudiced. Get to know everyone and base your opinion on your own evaluations.

3. Earn enough money to move in together with Chase.

As I grew up it did not get easier to handle situations, especially the ones I have never experienced before. As I was the new kid in the new school, I had to Back off every day I did not find friends for about 4 months, as I realised something had to change. So I tried. I did, I really tried my very best and it kind of worked. I made a couple of friends and was becoming a nicer person to be around. That's when I met Chase.

Chase and I went through some really tough stuff. With me having almost no parents, he was that kid having super caring parents, so at some point we had that little lie about us being in a relationship, so his parents would allow me to stay over at his place. In the end it turned out, that we just had a few One-night stands without having any feelings, I guess. I did not. I guess.

It was also Chase who got me the ticket for the Meet and Greet with One Direction.

Of course I told him about all my resolutions and he always reminds me of them, all of them!

So he spent all of his monthly money to give me a chance of 10 Minutes in which I had to make up 8 years of Liam's life. Can it be any harder?

As I was getting ready for meeting this guy, I haven't seen in ages, I wondered what he would say, whether he would be glad to see me, to see that I have changed, or if he would just back me off, like every other person before.