I am so far away from home and surrounded by creeps. This place smells of pee and alcohol. There is not any color here. It is too bright and in most places too dull. I always imagine if only I were normal where will I be. A vacation in Paris or just in my backyard getting a tan by the pool. PFFT! Whom am I kidding? I have thoughts of being anyone but my three personalities. I get tired of trying to figure out who I am. I am released from this hell hole in less than twenty-four hours. I have been here for two years. I am so tired of being a statistic. Why me? Why not my twin brother? Well of course not him, he passed away two years ago over suicide. I wonder did the cause of death was the same as my condition; DID. I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder when I was eighteen. That was two years ago. A week after the death of my twin, Nate. He wrote me out a letter telling me to watch out and make sure I live how I want to. My mother, Cathy, a single parent fought hard for custody ever since my father divorced her ten years ago. He said that he did not want any twins that aren't human. When I was a child, I did not have a clue what he was talking about and now I see. Where are my manners, I am Natalie. I am twenty, smart and quiet. There are others, but I refuse to know who they are or what they want. The nurse came in and gave me my release papers, blah blah. I am glad I went home. I forget how dawn smells and how lovely the birds sound. I forget the crisp wind that blows in my hair. I forget how bad the heat is when summer came. I stood there with the luggage waiting for mother to pull up. Cathy pulled up and opened the door.
"Well hi, there lovely." I forget how momma smile used to brighten up my saddest days. She invited me in what seems to be a brand new ride. The smell of new car scent and rubber. "Hi momma!" I shove the luggage in the back and took a seat in the front. My mother rubbed my hair. I remembered that were one of the many ways mother could calm me down whenever she had her blackouts. "Oh darling we need a tan." Mother quietly joked. Cathy is trying not to be so awkward about her daughter's situation. Home is where the heart is supposedly. I am glad I don't have to worry about being strapped down to a mattress with a sheet, and my wrist being bind with rubber wraps. Days flew by and then months. I took the medication daily and felt fine. For some reason, I refused them one day. Mother crawled onto the bed to wake me up. Mother wanted to invite me out today. Beautiful weather and nice temperature. Mother looked at the side table by the bed. The bottle is half full. Usually by three months the bottle is quite empty. "Darling, you have been taking your medication, correct?" I just laid there quiet. Cathy shove her one more time. The person did not seem to be her daughter. The girl rose up and her eyes seem darker. In a distinct voice,
"Cathy I knew you would come." Cathy jumped up and grabbed her bible. "Baby now I know this isn't you but this to shall pass." The voice laughs and gets up out the bed.
"Cathy you didn't come for my rescue." The mother looked disturbed.
"Oh my sweet lord." She said in a southern accent. Cathy took hold of her chest.
"My sweet baby boy Nate?" The host, Natalie tried to switch back in, but Nate won't let her.
"Yes Cathy, I was the only rebellious twin that called you by your first name."
"My sweet-" He cut her off.
"Why didn't you stop me?" She had no words. She stood there. Cathy was shocked. "M
"Nathan, honey mother was so tired that night from work. I knew all week something was wrong, but I thought it was just a minor problem. Like something with your girlfriend or friends. I had to attempt two projects all at once. I know that I barely paid attention to you. I am so sorry. I wish I can take it all back, but I know I can't. Please forgive me." Nothing. The room filled with silence and the host laid back down. Natalie started to squirm and squeal. Cathy wanted to badly help her daughter but she knew she just couldn't stand all the transformations that is taking place. Another voice entered and this time the pupil's of Natalie's eyes are r shiny. "Daddy said that we are weird mother?" The innocent child she is. Little Natalie asked out of curiosity and innocence.
"Oh my little Nat, baby your father was just mean. He said that to get rid of you, but I refused.
"Mommy dad don't like us."
"No baby your father is just a fool." Little Natalie folded into her knees crying. "He said he hates us!" The host started to beat up herself. The mother tried to hold Natalie down and rub her hair to calm her. Then comes the other transformation. "Momma what's happening, what's wrong?" The mother held her and told her "another blackout and I talk to your brother." Natalie looked at her appalled and in denial.
"Momma please don't tell me lies, Nate is DEAD!"
"No baby Nate is alive, he is alive in you!" Natalie covered her ears and imagined her childhood with him. They were in the backyard running around, chasing each other. Cathy searched for the letter and showed her evidence of different handwritings. "Darling, please write something and compare it to this." I gave up and agreed after five minutes. I attempted to write out the 'Dear Natalie' part. The handwriting matched. They stared at each other. Mother handed me the pill bottle. "It was very disturbing." Natalie grabbed the pill bottle. First, she smiled, then there was a devious smirk and then a frown. A few years later she also committed suicide and her handwriting matched the mother.
