𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙧𝙖𝙮 [ the promised neverland ]

xiv | 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘢𝘭

"i could barely remember anything. but the night when i found out the secret, for countless days and night, the scene was playing in a loop in my mind," i stated, drawing random figures on the sketch pad phil gave me.

the trio, along with gilda and don, continued to listen silently with their faces either painted with noticeable sadness or just plain anxiousness.

"i was only nine when i found out the secret of the house. i was too curious about one of my brother's foster parents, so i followed mama to the gate," i still have a small smile on my face as i drew a little boy on the paper.

it was him, my sibling who got shipped out.

"the day right after that night, i tried to go over the fence and the wall to find out what actually lies beyond that," i paused for a breath, looking up and giving them a serious look on my face.

"but before that, i'll tell you everything i know about the plantation," feeling they were not ready to what i'm going to reveal, i decided to tell them the basic knowledge that i know of.

"i don't know how many farms there are, or where we can be located. but beyond the gate, i'm sure that's where we can find the headquarters," i drew a layout on the pad and showed it to them, "this is also the place where young girls train as a mama," i circled a space beside it.

norman nodded as he looked at everybody else in the room. "it's just like what we thought."

"young girls train as a mama?" emma repeated in a low voice.

i flipped the sketch pad close and placed it on my lap.

"mama called me in the next night, and i don't know how she knew it but she found out that i broke the rule and invited myself with them on the last shipment," i felt goosebumps down my spine as the memory played on my mind.

i concealed my emotions and raised two of my fingers in a peace sign. "she told me i have to get shipped out immediately because i found out the secret, but she gave me two choices," i bent one finger down as i speak, "one is to die and get eaten by the demons," then i put my hand back on top of the pad, "and the other one is to continue living and strive as a mama."

emma's eyebrows nearly met when she heard the choices, especially at the last one. "so you'll continue to live, but you'll ship children out?" and then her expression turns into grief as she looks back at me.

"you chose to live... and help them kill more children?" but gilda's reply cut deep in my heart.

it was a reaction that i'm supposed to expect. of course, not everybody thinks like emma. not everybody can be as positive as her.

to me, emma accepts and can understand the reason why i did it, same as norman and ray. that's why they continued to trust me up until now. they believed in me, and i should do the same thing too.

i looked at gilda with a guilty expression, "uhm-yeah, well-it's a choice that i'll always regret-"

"watch your words, gilda. everyone reacts differently in certain situations," ray cuts me short, shooting gilda a slight glare.

i released a sigh and gave them a helpless smile.

i held my hands up to the ravenette. "it's okay, ray. just like what you said, everyone reacts differently in certain situation."

"this is something i should go through. it's expected that someone would question me for the choice that i accepted," i continued, my face slowly reverting back to a serious expression.

"i-i'm so sorry, (y/n). i didn't mean to sound rude," gilda apologized, clutching hem of her skirt in the process.

"i understand. it's okay," i reassured with a small smile.