Faked

~

It was a privilege to have loved you, miss.
Even though it wasn't reciprocated-at least that's what they told me afterwards
Even though it wasn't healthy or anywhere near the ideal relationship
At the end of the day, I would have died without you there by my side
Pretending to go along with what I called forever
I wouldn't have been able to forgive that unforgiving summer
That we spent together, that I spent dying
Only holding on because I had you
It was the thought of you loving me back that kept me going
And the thought of you staying for me despite a lack of love that keeps me going today
Because I now know what it feels like to be trapped in a loveless relationship where your lover needs you to stay but everything in you is screaming "go"
So you stayed and I stayed and I cried and she tried to die
But I can't blame you and I can't blame myself, not really
And though I still resent the way you ended things, I see why now
You wanted me to figure it out
To have time
So you stayed and only near the end did you stop playing the role
Only till the end did I see that I was playing forever with a brick wall
But I don't blame us.
And I still thank you.
It was a privilege to have loved you, miss.