June 19th, 2015
It was a year ago.
Yet I remember the first time I saw her.
I mean, I had seen her before. She was a friend of a friend's friend. A face that I knew the name of, but never really noticed. A space-holder, but never really a person.
No. This was the first time I SAW her. The first time I noticed when she smiled that sweet, sweet smile. The first time I realized her eyes were a beautiful hazel. The kind that was bright near the pupil, then got darker as it radiated outward. The first time I noted her hair was a deep chestnut that would shine like crystals in the light.
Of course, I had to be drunk off my ass to see these things. And I may have awoken the next morning with a hangover, but with the throbbing and the shimmering, I could hear her heartbeat and see the light reflecting off her hair.
For our last summer as free, young spirits, a buddy of mine had gotten us all Fall Out Boy Tickets. Yes, they visited us in Michigan. Remember that, Reece? When they pulled you and the miraculous young lady, to which you thought about from that moment on, onto the stage? Remember looking at her in the concert air, the lights, the noise, the hysteria? I doubt you'll ever forget.
I remember going to the party afterwards, where my friends encouraged me to have some beers in order to celebrate finishing high school, and moving on to adulthood. That was later very disproven when I ended up going from beer, to liquor, to moonshine. Keegan made that.
I remember that the cottage my parents owned was kind of, but not completely trashed. The strings of red lights hung up in the living room from Christmas. There were about 20 people there. And everyone was drunk. All but one. Chestnut hair and hazel eyes. Those eyes darted around nervously as one of the ladies who was a few stages past drunk tempted and teased, trying to get her to take a sip of her beer.Eventually with some bribing I can't remember, she took one sip. Then another. Turns out that the drunky had already taken the beer into the reserves of her bloodstream and filled it up with moonshine.
Soon enough, the innocent became the hammered and started dancing around like a fool. A beautiful fool, at that. With the empty bottle teetering in her shaky fingers, she swung her hips around and around, creating a hurricane in my eyes.
Then Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy started playing on the stereo. This was obviously a favorite of her's, as her eyes lit up and she started mouthing the words. At this point in the evening, just about everyone was passed out, and it was just me and her.
She looked over at me. She then stopped.
"Oh don't mind me," I told her, "I won't remember any if this tomorrow."
I guess I lied.
But it was worth it because she continued with the song, which I joined into, as well.
Then when the female part came on, she walked over to me while I was on the couch and put her face really close to mine and started singing. Her voice was like angels, and I'm atheist.
I was so instantly turned on, that without a second thought, as she went to walk away after singing, I grabbed her and kissed her. And it was the best kiss I have ever experienced. In all of our drunkenness, and singing, it was fire. It was fire from a volcano in hell. But there was also lightning and spring and happiness in it. I remember it in slow motion, but I'm sure it only lasted a few seconds.
As I pulled away, I felt her weight disappear and heard footsteps running away. Then a slamming door.
It took me a few years, or so it seemed, to finally open my eyes. When I did, though, I looked in the direction I heard the footsteps. The hallway. I got up and carefully headed down it, the sound of crying becoming more and more distinct. I realized it was coming from my room. I opened the door carefully, and noticed she was sitting on my bed by the window, curled up, and crying.
I remember quickly stumbling over to her, and going to comfort her. Yet before I can even touch her, she whips around and glares at me.
In my drunk state, I'm sure I was a lot more defensive than I recall.
"Oh please! You're mad at me?" I yelled.
She didn't say anything, just continued glaring.
"Look, I'm sorry I kissed you when you were coming on to me. You seriously seemed like you fucking wanted it, but I'm sorry for the mistake."
She didn't say anything.
"God! Please! You have no right to get pissed off at me. I did nothing wrong!"
I was about to walk away. I was so beyond pissed that the first attractive girl I'd met in a whole had to be a complete bitch!
I had taken, I don't know, a sixteenth if my weight off the bed when I feel something cold wrap around my forearm. I look down and see a pale hand in the moonlight.
Normally, I'd have shrugged it off, but I didn't. I just... Didn't...
Without even looking into her eyes, she leaned in and kissed me. Confusion? No. Anger? Nope. Just pure and utter pleasure.
As we got into it, I felt myself slowly drifting from consciousness. I'm sure she was too. We never got anywhere. Not far anyways. Because the next morning I woke with all my clothes on, all my buttons buttoned, and zippers zipped.
Now you're probably holding this to your chest wondering why on earth you're reading this story.
Well, because, Laina, I am being deployed in two days and I want you to know everything in case I don't make it back.
I know you'll hate me when you read that, but honey, war is unpredictable. I will never know at this moment whether or not I'll be alive in a week, a month, a year, or if we'll grow old together.
But I love you. I'm sorry I haven't told you yet. I'm sure I will tomorrow. At my party. But if I chicken out, I don't deserve you anyways.
So take this as a gift and a message.
With Love.
Infinity.
