Don't Fall

goodbye...for now

Light. It was the first thing I saw. A blinding, stupidly optimistic ray of sunlight was beaming through the white blinds and I wished for death at that exact moment. Fuck the sun. It's like a person that's tells jokes at a funeral, desperately trying to lighten the mood and drastically failing. My pessimistic thoughts were ruined by the feeling of arms around me, well really the loss of that feeling.
"Mmm." Phil stirred.
Oh yea, that's right, I was at his house. I'm definitely excited to see how this morning is going to go down.
"Dannn?" Phil's surprisingly deep, morning voice called out.
I turned over so I was looking at him. He looked straight into my eyes and I wished that I had never met his intense gaze, but luckily his beautifully tragic eyes travelled down to my neck.
"Um.." he trailed off as his eyes met the ferocious purple bruises that appeared over night.
I suddenly jumped up and rushed over to his bathroom.
I glanced at my neck through the mirror and my jaw dropped to the floor.
"Fuck, Phil!" I shouted.
Phil jumped at the sudden noice and fell out the bed. I stifled a laugh, still trying to stay serious.
He scurried over to my location and his jaw also became acquainted with the floor.
"What the hell happened last night?" Phil groaned.
I really didn't want to relive the sappy fucking mess that was last night, but I knew Phil wouldn't stop asking unless he got an answer, so guess what he got? A fucking half assed, rude explanation.
"Oh nothing much, you just drank away your feelings like always and for some reason your brain told yourself that you wanted me, so you went all ballistic on my neck and I had to push you off before I lost my virginity and got raped. As I said, nothing much." I snapped and stared him down with the most intimidating look I could muster.
Phil's eyes only had one emotion and that was pure regret. Then, they turned into pity. I hate pity.
"Oh, Dan I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I-" I interrupted Phil with my profanities.
"Oh bloody hell, fuck off! I don't fucking care anymore! Go to school, I'm not going. I can't hide these, just make up a lie about me or something." I exclaimed while I walked back out to his room and fell onto his bed.
"Dan..you do care, you just don't want me to know that you do. I'm starting to remember what happened last night. What we told each other. I'm truly sorry for not being there for you when you needed me most." I gasped and looked up at Phil.
He really couldn't be telling the truth. He was just telling me what I wanted hear. I really fucking hated him right now.
"Shut up, please. Just go Phil." I pleaded with him and his expression changed from sorrowful to pissed off in .5 seconds.
"Ya know this is my house, right?" He reminded me.
Ugh not this line. It was practically our house from all the time I used to spend there.
"And I should be telling you to go, because you're the one that is being rude to me, right?" He continued to put emphasis on the words that he knew would make me feel bad.
"Phil, I'm sorry I just-" I started but stopped when Phil waved his hand dismissively.
"Save it." He seethed as he went back into the bathroom and closed the door, presumably to take his shower.
•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•
"Dan, could you turn around? I have to get dressed." Phil called out from behind the bathroom door.
I rolled my eyes and turned around.
"Ya." I responded.
Wow. This wall is very interesting, I would just love to stare at it for hours on end. I heard a door open and some clothes rustle, so I thought I could look.
I turned around and was met with a half naked Phil with a sideways grin on his face.
"I know what you're gonna say. No you don't have to go to school, I'm not forcing you. I don't care if you stay or go, but it'll look weird if we both are the only ones not there. They know how close we were, and then over the weekend they'll see the hickeys..it's just too much to deal with right now." I read Phil's mind.
"Yea." He said and sat next to me.
"I'm not going, I don't care if it'll look weird, let it look weird!" Phil said with a little bit too much enthusiasm, letting the old him seep back into his personality.
"Philll, you're so lazy." I groaned and laid back down.
"You are too. Ya know the hickeys aren't the only reason you're not going to school today." Phil said, blowing my cover.
I looked at him and just shoved him playfully.
"Ok," I sat up, "We need to talk about last night." Phil said quickly and quietly.
My eyes widened and the weight on my chest became heavier. It was crushing my bones and cutting off my circulation, metaphorically of course, but I wished I was being literal.
"Do we have to?" I pleaded.
Phil looked at me with a baffled look.
"Um yea, I'm kinda really embarrassed. You like can't tell anyone. I'm serious." Phil confessed and his eyes darted down.
Of course. Regular Phil was back. Only caring about his reputation. I hated this Phil.
"Fuck you! You only care about your reputation. So what if I tell someone? You'll deny it and then watch me get beat up for "lying"! I'm really sick and tired of you constantly changing your personalities. Hate me or don't! Stop changing!" I yelled making Phil flinch and his eyes widen.
"Dan, I just..i don't know. I don't want you to get beat up, but-" I stopped Phil by putting my hand over his mouth.
"I'm leaving. I'm going back home. I'm just gonna be emotionally abused here and physically abused there, so what's the difference? You don't understand, when you get hurt, you have people there to console you and help you. I have no one. At one point in my life, I thought I had you, but not anymore. You're just like the rest of them." I said as I retrieved my bag and put on my shirt.
"Dan please." Phil grabbed my arm.
"What Phil?"
"I want you to stay. You have no idea how much I need you." Phil pleaded.
"You're right I have no idea and I don't want to have an idea because it's going to get me hurt. Goodbye Phil." I said as I hurried out of the house.