guide on how to be an irrelevant introvert like me

<sigh>

Note: I wrote this at 12:37 am when I fully gave up with this verbal homework shit that is due tomorrow(Saturday). Frick, gotta camilla.

Note Note: I held on to this for a couple weeks, contemplating whether to publish this.

Note Note Note: This is a really personal entry for me. I just wanna share this to show anyone else in the world that they aren't the only one. I am with them too and we shall cope together. It makes me feel closer to the world.

It was a huge 10,000-page packet involved with 10,000 SAT reading passages and useless comprehension questions and grammar. Like, f*ck if I care to complete only half of the packet.

To be honest, I don't care about this whole entire Saturday school thing anymore. I hated it. I always did. 

Over the past 8 years of being in this useless tuition school, I've gotta confess:

1) I'm irresponsible when it comes to homework when I just joined this apparent *summer* school that could verbally abuse me.

2) I've held great expectations for myself in completing stupid homework packets that they expected you to live after a day or a week.

3) Since the start of eighth grade last year, I lost my interest in completing this friggin packets. The biggest reason for this is my regular school's work have a greater priority than this. I got pulled into one of the most stressed and darkest (not depressed) periods of my life. I couldn't even control my shit together. And I tried to live up to my parents' expectations whom in that year took onto Philadelphia and leave me at home for the whole entire weekend? 

The truth is I couldn't. I let myself fail at verbal and math. I have a Saturday School Verbal teacher who likes to bully students and think she is all high and mighty. That nearly forced me to quit. 

I had been contemplating about quitting. The tutoring school, for my whole entire life, had been a burden and very cancerous. I am now tearing up because of this, literally. 

I'm an emotional wreck. I noticed that I had been thinking so negatively about myself and cried out of misery because of it. I have a lot of insecurities that let them take control of me. 

I tried to be normal to everyone else, I really do. Even to my parents, who don't even understand my current emotional state and why I feel like this. Internally, I have this stress built up more and more until I couldn't even bear it and let it all out in one crying session. And then, I could go to sleep with crying eyes and wake up with puffy eyes and wondered how I am going to hide my evidence of crying from everyone else.

I guess Saturday school doesn't make me happy. Maybe my parents staying home can be one of the happiest moments after this dark period of my life. Maybe me giving up that tuition school and replace it with community service. Who knows?

Hark! Peace!

All of the parents out there, please don't leave your children at home alone. Although they can take care of themselves, they are truly upset that they didn't spend quality time with their parents.

signing off,

kelly xx