1 // CONFIDENTIAL // JEDDY

// fourty four //

"yeah, i glad i don't have to take a guess at your name, this one has been shouting it for ages trying to get you to come over." dylan bantered back, looking lovesick with fred.

the endearing 'this one' felt like a stab in jamie's chest, the knife having been drawn out of fred's back. and to see dylan pretending to love fred was something he'd wish upon nobody. because fred was the happiest he'd been in a long time, but it was bound to come crashing down.

"i'm only excited to see him!" fred validated his eagerness. "it's been nearly two weeks since we last saw each other!"

and jamie blanched at that memory. new year's day. when him and teddy were bickering - they were doing a lot of that these days, arguing,
though, it had calmed down as of recently - and then, they kissed. and jamie felt alive.

he felt every beat of his heart thumping in his chest, alongside the blood rushing through his veins and coming to his cheeks, making them rose tinted. his hands at the back of teddy's neck, and then for a brief moment, it was perfect.

and then they separated. before he got taken away by fred and louis, he risked a quick peck on teddy's cheek. and now the man he was kissing was fred's boyfriend. no - not kissing: kissed. past tense; what happened between them wouldn't occur again. jamie would make sure of it.

but for now, he couldn't see fred without that ill feeling coming back and destroying him. he was going to be sick. he had to get out of there.

"hey, freddy. i'm just feeling a bit hot and ill - i'm gonna go outside for a while." he pulled at shirt, as if to cool himself down. when really, he was trying to do something with his hands so fred wouldn't see them terribly shaking.

"oh, don't worry. i'll come with you. i can make sure you're okay." fred said, and began to unravel himself from dylan's arm around his waist.

jamie hated fred for being so kind, when jamie didn't deserve any of it. if only fred knew what they - him and dylan - did, it would ruin everything between them. but jamie hoped if fred did know, he'd find it somehwere in his heart to forgive jamie, even if he'd done nothing to deserve it.

"no, freddy. it's fine i don't mind going by myself-"

"i can take him," dylan announced, and fred looked at him confused, while jamie glowered at him. "louis is your cousin, not mine. you should enjoy yourself celebrating his birthday, fred. i can just stay with him until he feels better.

jamie hated dylan then. and he couldn't have exactly said no because dylan had made a valid point. and if he said no, fred would get suspicious. fred would come up with a million different reasons to why jamie didn't want dylan outside with him, but he'd never get the right one. because fred would never imagine that that'd even be a possibility.

fred nodded, and looked around to try and find louis. while he was occupied with this, dylan separated himself from his boyfriend, and began to walk outside with jamie.

as soon as they got out, jamie leant with his back against the wall, appreciating the icy breeze that hit his face and cooled him down. his brief moment of serenity was interrupted by dylan.

"hey." he smirked. and such a simple word had jamie's palms sweating again and his heart beating a million times per second.

"he can't know!" jamie shouted, clueing in on what dylan was obviously thinking about. "fred does not deserve this being done to him, so he doesn't have to find out. and if he does? it wasn't me."

jamie realised he was tugging at his hair. teddy had started to comment on it, that whenever jamie was stressed or worried, he'd begin to pull. teddy also said that it could cause his hair to start thinning, leading to premature balding, as someone casually does. so this was a habit his was trying to break, for two reasons: he didn't want to be bald, and it reminded him of teddy. and the tightness and pressure he felt at that moment, he didn't want to be associated with teddy.