I need to write

Need more sleep

Does anyone have issues with sleep?
I know I do, I can't go to sleep on a normal time schedule. I just need more sleep and then add to all of that my father treats me like some kind of disease. I wish I was normal, liked girls, wasn't afraid to do normal things. I'm sadly never going to be normal because I am who I am, I am a gay man that just wants to be happy and free. When u have a father that treats u like shit it's hard to be happy all the time and not think about ending it all.

If u ever have to deal with someone like that just remember either u win by surviving or they win by u giving up, I've hit a point I've given up but I refuse to stop living. When u have tried to end it all and hope that u end up somewhere better, u realize that the reason u survived is that there is hope out there or u missed the critical part to finish what u started. When u want to end it all again but u promised yourself u would never touch that blade ever again, u start to worry if u can keep your own promise.

I've kept it so far but I have slowly started to look at it more and more, just to feel the cold metal on bare skin, or to feel the warm blood leave your own body to join the cold air outside. I don't want to give up but when the one u love leaves for somewhere far away and u can't follow that tears u apart, u don't want them to leave but u can't go with to stay together. That's the things that hurts more than anything to me right now.

U can't keep your own promise to never touch that blade again then why make a promise to yourself in the first place. I don't know why I have rambled or why anyone would read this but if u have, I have fallen all the way down to rock bottom and I don't see a way up anytime soon. If u know or see a way do let me know unless u want to watch the world burn, then I'll chill down here so I can be alone after the ashes clear and all I can see I ashes and burnt humanity.

I do wish for people to read and care about what I say but I am no more important than the next person to do this exact same thing. To any human, alien, or creature to read this I do wish for u to care for what I have said and what I'm about to say.....Thank you for taking the time out of your life and day to read this sad and terrible rambling about my life.