Feel free to comment and tell me what you think.
I've always been afraid of being alone.
I've always pushed people away.
My fear of being alone is the reason I am alone in the end.
I've been hurt so many times and because of it
I don't trust easily.
My trust has been broken and destroyed.
To many times to count.
I've been hurt physically and mentally.
No one has ever truly cared for me.
I mean how could they.
When I look in the mirror I see an ugly, broken, useless, mess of a girl.
When others look at me they see the same thing.
No one wants to me in their arms.
No one wants to care for me in any way.
The truth is I'm unlovable.
I am nothing.
My life is a darkness.
I live one day to the next feeling numb to all emotions.
Feeling nothing, seeing nothing, being nothing.
I was once a happy loving girl.
All of that happiness was taken from me, slowly but surely.
I fake a smile so no one can tell.
I pretend I'm okay.
When really I'm not.
I say I'm not hungry.
When I'm starving.
I act happy.
When I'm sad.
Depression, PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks.
Those are all a regular part of my day.
They weigh me down, they hold me back.
There is no light in my darkness.
There is no end to the tunnel of despair.
I am trapped in a never ending cycle of pain and fear.
I must suffer.
I do not know what I have done to deserve this pain.
All I know is that I do deserve it.
At least that's what I've been told, and that is what I have to believe.
Nothing can fix me.
I am to broken to be fixed.
All that can be done is to toss me away.
Like the nothing I am.
I am a star in the sky of a million lights.
Who cares if one more light goes out.
No one will ever notice.
No one will ever care.
I am no one.
I am nothing.
These words repeat in my head every day all day.
No matter where I go.
No matter what I do.
Those words are the only ones I hear.
At least that was until I met him.
He became my light in the darkness.
The end to my tunnel of despair.
Slowly he makes my fears disappear.
Slowly he puts me back together.
He makes me feel wanted.
He makes me feel loved.
He wants to hold me in his arms.
He wants to make me feel safe.
He makes me truly happy for the first time in a long time.
When he looks at me he doesn't see a broken, ugly, useless, mess of a girl.
He doesn't just want to toss me to the side.
He doesn't want to just forget me.
I'm still unsure what he sees in me.
He says I'm beautiful.
He says I'm not worthless.
I struggle to believe him.
He continues to tell me daily.
He tells me he will never stop.
He promises he will never leave.
He makes me smile a true smile.
He makes every day worth the next.
I once gave up, but not anymore I will fight to stay strong.
If not for myself than for him.
He is my world.
He is my everything.
My first and only love.
I don't know what I would do with out him.
He has my heart.
Thank your for taking the time to read this.
I know its not much and it not that good.
I'm sorry about that.
~ no one important ~
