Echoes of Aphasia

Chapter 6: Mixed Feelings

My weekend passed by in a blur. I spent the entire weekend watching videos of Zach and of Jeremy and I. I miss them both so much. They were the two most important people in my life. They gave me an unexplainable joy and with them went so much of me. After losing the both of them, something in me died and it's only when I am around Hayden that I feel alive again.

I stared at my brown hair hanging around my face in light curles. I finished up my winged eye liner and mascara. After that I got dressed in a black skinny Jean and a white long sleeved shirt. I put on my black ballet flats and finished the look off with a silver locket around my neck that Jeremy gave me on our honeymoon.

The traffic to work was rather quiet today, which was a surprise to me because traffic on a normal Monday was enough to make everyone late for work. Since the traffic was light, I arrived at work 20 minutes early. I prepared the day care for the children and got some activities ready for the older toddlers. I wanted them to enjoy it.

"You better stop whatever you are trying to do with Hayden. He's mine. We are going to get married one day. Stop fooling yourself in thinking that he cares about you. You're just a distraction that he has to over come. Which shouldn't be hard, since you're just a boring person." I heard from behind me.

The venom that I could hear in Violet's voice both frightened and irritated me. I wasn't trying to steal her future husband from her. He came to me. Not the other way around. She had no right to come into my work place, around the children and start insulting me and humiliating me. She might be the boss' girlfriend, but she's got no authority over me and she had no right to treat me as if I'm garbage.

Turning around, I glance at Violet in her bright red, form-fitting dress. As beautiful as she was, her personality sucked and I could not, for the life of me, see what Hayden saw in her. Other than her looks of course.

"Listen Violet, I'm not trying to take Hayden away from you. He showed up at my place, I didn't ask him to come okay so there's no reason that you should come here, insult me and ruin my day. He's all yours, you can have him Violet, I don't want him. He's my boss and I will give my best at work, but other than that you have nothing to worry about."

She smirked at me and suddenly i felt a cold feeling running through my body. I heard something call and shatter behind me. With dread I turned around and my suspicions were confirmed. There stood a shocked and angry looking Hayden. I saw a flash of hurt in his eyes but he masked it so quickly that I almost thought I imagined it. At his feet lay a vase of beautiful flowers, and glas scattered everywhere. He must have only heard what I said. He probably missed the context of what was happening.

I wanted to apologize for what he just heard. I didn't want him to think that I didn't want him in my life, because he had been the one person who lifted me out of my depression since I met him in that coffee shop. I wanted to tell him how much I have started to care about him. I wanted to tell him that I've grown to love every minute I spend with him.. No I couldn't think that way. So instead of apologizing, I just stood there, looking at him. Violet walked past me and grabbed his hand, then the two of them left my floor.

It's for the best, I thought to myself. I couldn't get attached to another person. I couldn't get involved with a man that belongs to someone else. I couldn't feel this way about him. I would only end up hurt again. So if I was so sure about not wanting to care for him, why did my feelings feel so conflicted? Why did it hurt when he left without saying a word to me? Why were my feelings all mixed up? Why was every instinct in my body yelling at me to run after him and tell him exactly what happened. To tell him Exactly how I feel about him.

During my lunch break, Caden decided to visit me. He brought me hazelnut flavoured Ice coffee and two slices of pizza, which was extremely delicious. I didn't feel the same way around him that I did when I was around Hayden, but it wasn't uncomfortable either. He was a really nice guy and I did enjoy his company. He could be a wonderful friend. I thought to myself as he was speaking to me about something. When Caden was about to leave, he stood in front of me, studying my face for a minute or so and then he leaned in and lightly brushed his lips against mine.