Involuntarily Having An Existential Crisis

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They're like waves

Filling my brain to the brim

With clear salty water

Sandy salty water

Is it I that is sinking?

Or simply the tide rolling in?

Is it dragging me to the bottom?

Or crawling up my body?

Either way it fills me up

Till my brain is close to exploding

The ocean breaks down my brain

As if it were a rock turned sea shell

As if it were a mine being carved into

But its not that beautiful

Its just breaking into pinky chunks

The consistency of mashed banana

The color of a dying pink pig

What is wrong with me?

Something that could've once been beautiful

Has become this

A monster within itself

Using words to convey emotions

Using analogies to make pain beautiful

Why? Dear reader, why?

Why do they pull my veins out like wires

Ripping them out to repower

Reprocessing me

Filling me with their energy

Make me feel alive

As though i was human and not just a vessel for mental illnesses

Not just a vessel for the pills

Or a vessel for blood and tears

I want to be normal

I want to be okay

I want to be everything I'm not

Why am i like this? I ask again

I get no responses

I get no answers

Not a mutter

Not a sigh

I'm alone here

In my dying brain

My fucked up brain

My pill induced brain

The nerves cut off from each other

Cut off from the world

What are people?

Are you even real?

Am i?

Are we all just figments of someone's fucked up imagination?

After all we're just living to die

Riding this ride into the void

God im never gonna end this poem

Or rather a fucking rant

Fuck

Bye.

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