oft.en i think

dont let me drown

kyungsoo has made a promise with baekhyun— a rather hard one too, but as a man with honor he was going to keep his word. yet it was proving difficult as baekhyun was leaning on his shoulder, drunk beyond human norms and looking inexorably wasted. kyungsoo wondered how someone could look so cute as equally as they were fucked up but he just figured the lights of the ballroom were dim enough to hide the tiredness in his own eyes and the hysteria of the older man.

despite being the taller and broader of the two, baekhyun was dressed in a blue velvet suit with a tight black turtleneck, downplaying his shoulders but tight around his thighs. red eyeshadow was placed on his eyes accenting his hazel contacts, lips and cheeks tinted pink— cheeks a little fuchsia with the help of all the alcohol consumption. his eyes closed as he buried his face into kyungsoo's neck mumbling something among the lines of "i love you so much" and "i lob you shooo muchie soo-baby"

wrapping a hand around baekhyun's waist, the younger just smiled softly. "i wish i could say that too."

looking around the ballroom, kyungsoo's eyes fell upon his brother jongin and his husband, sehun. they looked so happy– jongin's arm around sehun's lithe waist, spinning him around and around. jongin was twenty-six, two years younger than him— sehun was twenty-two. he was probably the youngest in the room. kyungsoo envied the happiness in their faces. not how beautiful they looked together or how beautiful he and baekhyun could've looked on that floor, but how happy his younger brother and his husband were. how lucky they were.

being the first born put him at an advantage, as his friends would say. first borns were immediately handed over to the government after birth, stripped of the options of consent and opinions. they were labeled with jobs at the mere age of five and then given training till they reached twenty. it was his luck his family were assassins– he became the president's hit man and had years of gun, sword and poisoning experience. it's not like he knew anything else for that matter either.

jongin has grew to be the tallest and clearly the best looking between him and kyungsoo, easily finding sehun, a nineteen year old librarian with the knack of dancing. it took a while for them to get together because being an assassin took up most of jongin's time. but he always made time for sehun.

the two of them looked like princes on the floor, sehun's pale skin shimmering in the light, soft brown hair falling on his eyebrows, eyes lined with black eyeliner making him look not as delicate as he actually was. his lips were turned up in a smile in par with his husbands, kyungsoo was awestruck when he met sehun, thinking how beautiful a man could be. (then he met baekhyun)

jongin's tan skin practically glowed, gunmetal hair styled up and away from his face to show the many gold earrings on his ears. his black pinstriped suit contrasted heavily with sehun's white shirt and red suit, but it just made them look even better as a pair.

maybe it wasn't just envy kyungsoo felt but it couldn't be hatred because he loved jongin. it was the first time meeting him but he was proud of what his sibling accomplished and achieved in his twenty-six years of living. but he just felt like shit for he's reached only a quarter of those awards and he's lived for thirty years.

his eyes brimmed with tears of regret as he pushed baekhyun on the stool next to him, dialing his best friend's number– chanyeol, also baekhyun's fiancé, to pick him up. brushing off his tuxedo, he watched the people spin around him, the bar fill and empty and fill up again.

chanyeol was tall, tan, handsome and smart– everything kyungsoo wasn't. yet he could see baekhyun wasn't truly happy with him. all the faux smiles, the hesitant kisses and distance shared between the two whenever they were seen together– after training with baekhyun for fourteen years, he knew very well of the thirty-one year olds body language. and what he had with chanyeol wasn't love.

then again he didn't know shit about love. but what was the warmth he felt everything he saw baekhyun? the fluttering of his heart, the sudden dryness in his throat every time he talked to baekhyun– what was that?