Aphenphosmphobia – The fear of intimacy
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School isn't fun.
Nothing about it is fun.
Homework, teachers, grades, people.
Nothing screams fun.
It just isn't worth it to wake up at 6 in the morning almost every fucking day. I don't even try to look my best anymore. It's not like I'm trying to impress anyone anyway.
I sigh deeply and stood up. I stare at the clock for what seemed like hours before walking to the bathroom. I shut the door and stripped myself out of my pajamas. I looked at my face in the mirror. Maybe it was the light, but already I looked sallower, unhealthy. My skin could be pretty---- it was very clear, almost translucent-looking. But it all depended on color. I had no color.
Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn't just physically that i'd never fit in. And if I couldn't niche in a school with more then three thousand people, what were my chances anyway. It's only been a month since I started and I'll tell you what, I'll never fit in. Ever.
I finally walked over to the shower and turned it on. I Stepped in, letting the warm droplets of water pound my back with a steady beat. I sighed to myself and stayed in the warm water, obviously enjoying every bit of it. The shower is really where I can forget about everyhing that is running through my head. It's like---I feel empty like-I don't have human emotion.
Soon, I had to end my relaxation and get ready for school. I turned off the shower and dried myself off. I didn't wear anything special. Black skinny jeans, and a red hoodie. I slipped on shoes and grabbed my bag, phone and charger before walking downstairs.
Nobody was home.
Like always.
I walk out of the house and watched as my shoes hit the pavement with each step. I couldn't help myself but to regret the decision of ever leaving my house. I could have stayed home. I really could have.
It started to drizzle a bit as I walked down the sidewalk. Not enough to soak me though. I made my way into a short cut, listening to the crunch of gravel underneath me as I walked. I wasn't really in a hurry to get out of the misty wet that swirled around my head and clung to my hair under my hoodie.
As I stared down at the path I notice everything began to become familiar. I look up and in the distance of the forest peek I see my school ahead. Taravella High School.
I cringe at that name everytime.
I sighed deeply and approached the school grounds. I went to the same place I always go to, behind a tree beside the school, waiting for the bell to ring.
I pressed my back against the tree and shut my eyes. It's only fucking Monday.
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