Tribute | kjh

|Kim Jonghyun°

God has blessed us with a warm and gentle man. April 1990. The birth of our little dinosaur, Kim Jonghyun.

052808. He came to our hearts with his voice that made as all in awe. He became SHINee's Bling Bling, and he will always be.

121817. He made us all cry. He left us. He left us without saying goodbye.

-
It's hard." He sighed.

"I know, it's always been hard ever since." He smiled. Life, it's full of mystery. It's full of darkness. And you could feel lonely. But, if not everyone, then someone is always there for you.

"I've been struggling, and so do a lot of people. And so do you." I nodded. Suicide, yeah, it comes across to anyone who is depressed. But it doesn't really solve anything. You just hurt everyone whose left behind. You just have them regret not talking to you, because they could've prevented it. Anyone could have prevented it.

"I've done so much. But it seems like my best is still the worst." Appreciation isn't from everyone, because you know, through the 100 people who you have made to smile, you see that 1 hateful lie that you believed was true.

"Smile will you? You're making me sad!" I playfully hit him as the atmosphere around us becomes heavy. Come to think of it, smiling was the most convincing disguise that anyone could pull off. Because we never suspected anything behind that wide smile. Because we never had time to ask if he was alright.

"Let's all just live off with lies, it'd be more beautiful" It's true though, that we lie just to tell a better story. We wanted a perfect life, perfect friends, perfect family, and even a perfect us. But truth hurts, it really hurts. Because no one is perfect, and we will never be.

"Will you be alright? When I leave, that is." He shrugged. I knew that when I leave here, I'll regret.

"Want to die together?" He chuckled. Though I knew that he really meant it. It seems like a joke but it really isn't. Because deep inside, I know he's dying. And he wants to end all the hurting.

"How to hang on?" He suddenly blurted out. How to hang on? I also don't know. Because in this imaginary rope of life, I'm just hanging on with my last finger, and anytime I could let go.

"I'm sorry, I can't give you an answer." Bllsht, fck, sht. Through all those words, we can express how angry we are. But how can we express that we are lonely?

"I'm sorry, you were the one I poured all my depression to." Truthfully, no one wants to be called weak. So we're hiding the fact that we're struggling, even to our own families.

"Goodbye." Those words, they were the last.

And I am here today, thinking that if I didn't leave that night, I wouldn't be seeing him lying here.

I am sorry, you never felt how much you were worth to a lot of people.

I wish you looked and focused to that 100 people who loved you and not that 1 who purely hated you.

I wish you could've told the world how you felt and never bothered to be told 'weak'

I wish you were still hanging on, and you are here with me.

I wish you could've just hanged on a little bit more, could've still see you smile.

Selfish of me, thinking only about myself.

I had a thought while curling up in a dark room alone.
When you might regret letting go of everyone.
Have the sighs and the restless wounds stopped by now.
I pray only that you aren’t hurting.
I hope only that you will be happy. Please don’t try to be alone in the darkness.
Don’t torture yourself
Don’t torture you.
Please.

"I pray you're not hurting. I pray that you're smiling. I pray that you are happy." I just had to let go. But he was close to my heart, that it was hard. I didn't want all of it to fade, not suddenly. Just like how he just passed by.

You were a beatiful being, you will always be remembered.

"Jonghyun-ah. Mianhae." Tears started rolling down my cheeks as the cold wind brushed through my body. I could feel his warm hug that comforted me.

In loving memory of our Bling Bling,
SHINee Kim Jonghyun.
(1990-2017)
You will be remembered not just as a great main vocalist but also a beautiful human being.
Thank you for the many laughs.
Thank you for the beautiful music. Thank you for the beautiful memories, it'll always be kept in our hearts to treasure.
We hope you're in a better place.
This tears and wounds will never be healed.
You did well, Jonghyun. You did well. And it was the best, for all of us.

-Shawol