Something Real [Nygmobblepot]

Chapter Five

"You don't need strength to let go of something,
what you really need is understanding."

I wake up, getting no satisfaction out of the fact I was right about sleeping on the couch. I hear Ed groaning loudly as he pushes himself off me and my own back hurts too as I sit up.

"What did I tell you?" Okay, so, maybe I get a little satisfaction out of it.

"What?" He frowns at me.

"How drunk were you last night?" I ask with a light chuckle and he shakes his head as he removes his glasses, rubbing his eyes. "Ed, what's wrong?"

"What?" He repeats as he turns to me. "Nothing. Why?" He asks, putting his glasses back on and I raise my brows.

"Why would you get drunk?"

"I didn't purposefully get drunk." He tells me. "You know how I am with alcohol."

"I know." I agree. "And that's why you usually don't use it that much."

"We all make mistakes." He mumbles, leaning his elbows on his knees as he runs a hand over his mouth.

"Are you sure everything's okay? With Isabella?" I ask him and he turns to look at me.

"Yes. Why do you keep asking that?" He demands. "Everything's perfectly fine."

"Okay, okay." I say, a little taken aback by his reaction. "I just thought you were acting weird but apparently I was wrong, you seem perfectly fine." I say a bit sarcastically and I'm not sure if he detects it but he doesn't seem to appreciate any of it anyway.

"Look, you don't know." He says and I frown. "You're not a part of our relationship."

I stare with my mouth open for a while. "I'm aware of that." I tell him. "And thank God I'm not."

"The point is that you don't know so stop expecting the worst." He says and I'm so surprised by this I have trouble getting words out.

"I'm not!" I argue. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay because last night you didn't seem like it but fine, you're right. You have a girlfriend now so I'm no longer allowed to care about what's going on in your life."

"That's not what I said!" He looks at me and then sighs. "I don't know if you've noticed but I've been worried about you."

"What? Why?" I demand. He really hasn't seemed like it. Unless the hyperactive happiness has been to cheer me up and not just to flaunt it at my face.

"Because you've seemed down and I don't know why." He says, now looking worried. "You seem like you no longer want to make conversation like before and you get irritated so easily. I didn't want to bring it up in case you didn't want me to but I was worried."

I look at him for a while, almost glad. I guess he cares more than I thought. "I'm okay, Ed." I try to assure him. "You don't have to worry."

"Are you sure?" He asks me. "You can tell me anything, Oswald."

I nod, smiling. "I know." It just wouldn't be fair to you right now.

He smiles as well before pulling me into a hug and I wrap my arms around him carefully, pressing my mouth against his shoulder as I hold my breath. I feel his hand rubbing my back and his breath in my hair and close my eyes, feeling more relaxed than in a long time.

If there's anything good in my situation, at least I'm finding out how I actually, truly feel about him. That I really do love him. If he's happy, I'm happy. That's all that matters. I hug him a bit tighter and I wish it'd somehow let him know all that I can't say.