Limerence (SPOBY)

Prologue

SPENCER

People say love can make smart people become stupid. Tough people become weak. Sane people become, well... insane.

I feel like I'm included in that list.

For a love that's never returned for me, I'm willing to close my ears from everything and every words that hurt my pride.

For a love that's never made me happy, I let my own little heart cries in pain seeing him smiling with another woman.

For a love that's never ever thought about me, I let my possible happier future gets ruined.

Just because of him.

-

I sit down limply on a kitchen stool, putting down the tray I've been holding on.

Laughs echo filling the living room, and yet it can't make me laugh or even smile a little. Once in a while, my fingers start playing with a white-gold band that's on my left ring finger. It's been a month but everything still feels so foreign. This apartment. My new status. Even the man that's supposed to be my husband.

I start to take deep breaths and let it out slowly, thinking it might help my heart to get away from all the pain.

"I, Tobias Daniel Cavanaugh, take you, Spencer Jill Hastings, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

That promise was said with such firmness that even I believed it. He declared it without any hesitation. He stared deeply into my eyes. His right hand swiftly put the white-gold wedding band with a little diamond to my ring finger.

"Now's your turn, Spencer. Please state your vow." Pastor Herbert, who was in charge with the whole ceremony asked me.

I was silent for a minute, as if my tongue turned numb to state my promise. My eyes glanced to my mother who's sitting in the front a couple of times, asking for some strength. When my mom nodded her head a little, I took a deep breath and started to say my vow.

"I - Spencer Jill Hastings, take you, Tobias Daniel Cavanaugh to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

I could see a couple of people released their breaths in relief because we both could recite our vows smoothly. No one decided to run off and left the other one alone at the altar.

And that was the day I became Spencer Jill Cavanaugh.

A tap on my shoulder forces me to stop my day-dreaming. The sweet jasmine perfume makes me immediately know who it is. With a quick movement, I wipe the tears that have been begging to fall from my eyes dry.

"Spencer, are you okay?" I can detect the worry tone in her voice.

I turn around and face her, trying to keep the big smile on my face. Hiding away the sadness and discomfort that's been bothering my heart.

"Seriously, you're not a good liar." She shakes her head in disapproval.

This makes me smile more. "I'm fine, Ali. Why are you here, by the way? Do you need more water?" I try to stable my voice, not wanting to give any sign that I'm actually not.

Alison starts to look at me with the look I really hate.

"Oh, come on, Ali. Don't start again." I beg her with my eyes.

Among all of my high school friends that suddenly come back into my life, only Alison who's always worry about my life right now.

Being a wife but acts like an acquaintance.

Pity.

But this is the life I choose.

"How long will you be like this, Spence?" I stop stirring my tea for a second. This same question has been asked by her over and over again.

"We're no longer children, Spencer. And your status right now is Toby's wife, not one of his many fans anymore. You have the right to be-" Alison stops her rambling when she realizes that my chocolate eyes stare at her sharply. "You're a wife, Spencer. Not only a display." She finishes with a small voice.

When she doesn't hear my reply, she continues.

"I don't understand why you chose to go through this marriage? You're a beautiful, smart, funny woman with a thousand of accomplishments. You're literally every woman's dream. I bet there are a lot of men out there that wish to be your husband right now."

I take, again, a deep breath. "But this is my life, Alison. And you're right, I did choose this life, so now I'm just gonna live it."

Alison takes a couple of big steps towards me and catches my shaking hands.

"How can you always show up with that fake smile of yours yet here I am, only an audience but also hurting. Hurting for you." Now it's her turn who takes a deep breath. She stares into my eyes as if I'm a child that needs wise words. And maybe I actually do. "Spence, I know you're a good woman, but I also know you're not stupid."

Tears that I've been holding back start to stream down my face.

"How long will you be like this, in silence and surrender to everything? At least fight for Toby so he can realize that you exist. So he can see you as his wife, not only a roommate or even a maid that attends to his every needs."

She leaves me after hugging me for a couple of minutes. Until I calm down.

Her words come back to me.

Fight. But what do I fight for? He never wanted this marriage, ever since from the start, only I did.

Only I, who wanted this far long before this matchmaking.

Because of that I never demand anything from this marriage, I let him stay on his path. I don't want to force him to take me into his path or force him to get out of his and gets into mine.

I just want to live with him together. And to serve him with all of my heart.

It's enough for me.

Because from the start, I was the one who fell in love with him too hard.

.

.

.

.

Hey! NEW BOOK! Sorry I've been MIA for a long time, but I'm just preparing myself for this new book (and been busy for sometimes). Ha.

Hope you enjoy! Please vote and comment and share!

- Jessica ♉️