fantastic ☁ gawsten

but one thing's for sure ☼

"I can't bring myself to celebrate the new year

And every year becomes who I've always feared"

awsten's pov

"Come on, Aws, this'll be the year that we finally keep our resolutions!" Geoff begged once more, still trying to convince me to make a New Years' resolution after what felt like hours. Actually, no, it had been hours. He started badgering me about it at seven and it's now eleven. One hour left of 2009. One hour left.

We'll be hitting the double digits, the 2010s, and in seventeen days I'm gonna turn 18 and be an adult. And in six months, Geoff's gonna be 21. Time's moving so fast, it's crazy. It almost felt like yesterday that I was a freshman in high school even though that was over three years ago now. 

"I don't know, Geoff," I shrugged, still having trouble grasping the concept that it was indeed going to be 2010 in less than an hour and that I'm gonna be an adult and have responsibilities in two weeks. "I mean, who really does keep their resolutions? Nobody!"

"Well, come on, at least make a list of things you want to do and then we'll start off small and build our way to the big things!" Geoff suggested. I rolled my eyes.

"If I make a list, will that make you happy?" I asked. Geoff nodded, grinning.

"Yes. Definitely. Absolutely," Geoff giggled. 

"Fine, let me go get my computer," I groaned.

-x-

It was now 11:45 P.M. and I had finished typing up my list. It was in alphabetical order and in order of importance and priority and formatted perfectly. I look over at Geoff, who had four index cards in his hands. He'd been done after two minutes of writing. 

"I'm ready now," I said. Geoff looked over at me and smiled. "You go first, though."

"Nuh-uh," he said, shaking his head. "You've got a long list, you get to go first!" 

"Fine," I groaned. "Okay, starting with the A's-"

"Wait, you alphabetized your list??" Geoff asked, cutting me off. "How much did you write???"

"You told me to write down everything I wanted to do!" I said defensively. "So I did!"

"Oh my god, Awsten, I didn't mean everything you want to do before you die, this isn't a bucket list that you're making," Geoff groaned. I bit my lip. Geoff pauses, looking over at me. "You made a bucket list, didn't you?"

"It's the same thing, isn't it? A list of things you want to do and things you want to change before you die. Before the year ends. It's the same thing, isn't it?" I said. "I can't imagine fast enough to settle on a dream and I've spent this winter wondering when they're gonna settle on me and there's some things I've just gotta know, but one thing's for sure, and I can't wait to go outside and spend my summers contemplating what I'm gonna do with my life and I still don't know and I looked but I can't pretend and I think and I think and I think about the end and how I know... I know it's coming soon."

"That was... intense," Geoff said after a few moments, the gears turning slowly in his mind. I breathed heavily, looking away from his gaze. 

"I'm sorry for, like, that full-on existential crisis," I apologized. Geoff shook his head and scooted from his side of the couch to mine, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest.

"No, no no, baby, don't apologize," Geoff cooed, playing with my hair. "It's okay, I know, it's scary to face the world. I had to do it too, you know."

"Yeah, I keep forgetting you're three years older than me," I said. "I guess most of this list isn't necessary. Except for how I work myself to death and how I'm sick of being in Houston and how I want to spend my life with you."

"You wanna see my list?" Geoff asked. I sat up and nodded, looking over at him as he reached over and grabbed his index cards. He moves and faces me, sitting criss-cross applesauce. He holds up the first index card and it has, in big, all-caps letters, "kiss" written on it.

"Kiss?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. He smiles softly, holding up the next index card that has "you" written on it. "Kiss me?"

Geoff held up the next two index cards side by side, with the words "a lot" written. I smiled.

"All you want to do this year is kiss me a lot?" I asked. Geoff smiled widely and nodded. 

"I love you more than anything in the world, Awsie," Geoff said, grabbing my hand and kissing the back softly. I felt the heat rise in the apples of my cheeks and I turned away. 

"I love you, too, Geoff," I said. He pulled me into his arms, pulling my arms away from my face.

"Hey, don't hide your face, you're cute when you blush," he said. I rolled my eyes but continued smiling.  "And anything I do, I want it to be with you." 

-x-

a/n: sorry its short, im not the best with fluff.