12|917
Today was calm. When I woke up, I felt a lot better and found out that my cousin Aaliyah was visiting. Things went pretty smooth except for one argument, but in this family, that's as smooth as it gets.
Everyone was calm and I spent a lot of the day in the room with my sister. We laughed a lot and it felt nice. It was like yesterday was a faded memory, albeit a painful one. But I didn't want to think about that. My family was alright and that was what mattered.
For the most part, my sickness was gone and I could breathe out of two nostrils.
A couple of minutes ago, my sister and I had discussed yesterday's events. She wants to stay with him but my mom doesn't want them together. I can see where they're both coming from and I'm stuck in the middle like always. It's not like Sarah wants to go against mom, but that's what happens when you love someone.
I don't agree with yesterday's actions. I don't think what happened should have happened. Sarah admits that she shares the blame and wants to make things better. I think that he's a good person, but if he doesn't learn to fix himself then he should stay the fuck out of all of our lives. And he's sorry too. Everyone is sorry and regretful after the fact.
" I wish yesterday had gone differently." She said.
" I wish a lot of things could go differently but what's done is done. You can try and bury it but it'll always be there."
My mom is a good person. She doesn't like doing things like this. She wants us to be happy. And we want her to be happy, she deserves it. She calls us her reasons. Her reasons to live.
When I grow up, I want to be something that will make her proud. I want to let her know through my actions that I wasn't a fuck up and that all her efforts didn't go to waste. I sometimes wish I was young again where everything was fine and everyone was happy. But that was only surface deep I learned as I grew up. We have a lot of work to do. And when I grow up I want to look back on moments like those and say "fuck you you're never coming back again."
Things aren't quite what they used to be but I want to us to grow and become better people.
