Someone like me having friends?
Are you kidding me?
Of course I have!
Hehehe, I smile to you all.
Five Years Ago:
"We are going to be friends forever!Isn't that true my best friend?"
"..."
"Best Friend...?"
She... Wasn't at my side anymore...
"Best Friend!" I called her.
She was with someone else...
"Oh hey..." She replied.
Like a movie in slow motion I saw her going away frame to frame, first she seemed to ignore me then never talk to me and walk around with her New friend, hahaha... I lost her contact over time and didn't see her for a long time...
Nowadays, we may talk but I don't feel the same thing I felt five years ago, I felt rejected for what seemed to be more than five years...hahaha.
"So you don't have friends, right?" You must be asking, look who has friends? Right? Who needs them? If you are breathing and alive, you're surviving and that's the important thing, or am I wrong?
YES, I DO HAVE THEM RANDOM CITIZEN, ALRIGHT? YOU WHO IS ALWAYS ASKING HOW COULD SOMEBODY LIKE 'ME' HAVE A FRIEND, I JUST DON'T KNOW IF THEY ARE TRUE FRIENDS, OKAY?
I'm always smiling and now talking, I meet mAnY pEoPlE this year, I had to struggle the entire year for good notes, good conversations and good everything AND YOU just come here to talk about how weird I AM and how I must have nobody at my side, that I need to go out more and make more relationships, JUST SHUT UP!
YES I'M WEIRD AND I KNOW IT, I TRIED TO CHANGE BUT COULDN'T, I'M LIKE THIS AND LITERALLY CAN'T CHANGE EVEN IF I WANT OR WISH! MY PARENTS SAY THAT ALL THE TIME TO ME ALREADY I DON'T NEED YOU TELLING ME THAT, I KNOW I WILL NEVER HAVE A SIGNIFICANT ONE OR A REAL FRIEND BUT COULD YOU AT LEAST LET ME LIVE THAT FANTASY?
It's...it's all I ever wanted, at least somebody who would understand and love me by the way I true am, do you really think is that easy?
I know many people pass through the same thing but please give me a break I can't take that pressure anymore.
I smile and try to be funny, I think different, you telling me that I don't have any friends make me think of all the things that are wrong with me, I can't look at myself at the mirror anymore, I know I'm ugly and really odd...
I hate TV programs and prefer to watch cartoons over anything, I literally just can talk about it, I'm not popular at anywhere, I'm a person that never gets that 'noticed' and when it happens it's never a good thing.
Why am I this way and why those things happen with me I don't know, it may be the way a grown up, not many children would play with me, I was a bullying material and nothing else and I still think I am.
So what you gonna do? Man, I already been wanting to kill myself over fifteen years, why do people like you always make me feel horrible about myself!?
It's overkill, can't you see deep in my eyes that I'm suffering, that I'm not happy?
"It was just a joke!" You may say to me but if you really know me well you would know I hate people joking around me, leave me alone.
I already have to put a mask over my face everyday, this hurtful smile that is always playing in my lips the same smile I force myself every freaking day isn't real, how could you not see that!?
I would call you many names but I don't want to go that low, you may not even remember what you said but I remember cristal clear what you said to me and how you almost started a fight after I start to troll you a little.
Someone like me having friends? Puh-lease I'm myself how could I have any? I'm going to be forever alone with this 'creepy' smile in my face, like if someone would go after me...
Am I mad? Maybe, who knows? Even I don't know anymore, I just want to dissapear, I'm nothing but a bunch of bones and meat with NO USE.
Someday, oh someday...
I'm going to erase myself.
And the world is going to be a better place.
But 'til that.
I will be smiling.
