Love and Fame: A Klaine Story

Chapter Twenty Eight

Warnings for more mentions of suicide as well as the events in episodes On My Way and 2009

I walk out of the auditorium quickly, heading to my car. I have the next period off, and I need to be alone as the feeling of guilt creeps up on me.

If only I had picked up one of his phone calls. If only I didn't ignore him, like people had ignored me. If only, if only, if only.

The ringing of my phone startles me out of my thoughts, and I look at the caller ID. It's Rachel, who's probably snuck out to the bathroom so she could call me because I know for a fact she has a class. I let it ring, putting the phone on silent as I let myself collect my thoughts again. I can't go back into school a mess over somebody who everyone believes I hate. God, wouldn't that be something for the papers?

Way too soon, school ends and I have to endure glee club. Glee club and then I can go home and call Blaine. I need him, he can help be feel less guilty. He can help be remember I'm not alone anymore. He can help me banish those dark thoughts from my past.

Instead of going to the classroom, we all meet in the auditorium. I brace myself for the hour and a half of dance practice that is sure to follow, but everybody is sitting in a circle by the time I get there. I sit down on the floor, wrinkling my nose in a bit of disgust at the dirt getting on my clothes, and look up at Mr. Shue. Thankfully, besides a reassuring glance, he doesn't reveal what happened between us earlier that day.

"Mr. Shue, why do you have a jar of peanut butter and only one spoon?" Mercedes asks.

"Well, it has come to my attention, that our good friend Rory Flanagan has never tasted peanut butter," he states, causing everybody to look surprised and start asking why. I watch as Rory eats a spoonful of the peanut butter, saying it was really incredible.

"Mr. Schuster while that's incredibly moving, it's kind of been an emotional week for most of us," I snap, wondering why we would be here watching Rory just eat peanut butter. He looks at me, not mad at all. Instead, he just smiles slightly, sitting back on the ground with us all. He starts talking about how Rory just had a new experience, and the weight in my stomach gets even heavier as he asks us all to consider them should we ever feel depressed.

"I know we all are a little dramatic sometimes, but I don't think any of us would ever consider taking our lives," Mercedes states. I swallow past the lump in my throat, unable to meet anyone's gaze for fear they would see right through me.

"I did," my eyes snap to Mr. Shue immediately, listening to his story about getting caught cheating. Puck makes some stupid comment, but Mr. Shue just continues with his story.

"Is that true?" I ask at the end of the story. I can't imagine him ever going through something like that. Mr. Shue has always been Mr. Shue. The strong one. The leader. The teacher.

"There is something, everyone has something that might take them up to that edge," he says, looking around at all of us. He has us go around saying what we are all looking forward to. Some of us tried to be funny to defuse the tension, like when Mercedes said she most looked forward to seeing Rachel's children. I managed a small smile at that. Then you had Puck saying he looked forward to graduating high school, or Artie saying he looked forward to seeing his children's first steps. It gets to me, and I tell everybody about the change I'm hoping will be made.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Shue, this stuff is just really good," Rory swallows past a mouthful of peanut butter. I shake my he'd laughing at his statement, and he grins at all of us.

"I'm looking forward to winning regionals!" He states, and we all cheer in response. We end the meeting there, having rehearsed all we could. I quickly grab my things, shooting a smile at Mr. Shue on my way out. He nods in response, turning to talk with some of the other glee kids and I head home.