Eva's diary

Chapter 1

  Walking to the horizon
SATURDAY. I have almost a day to live now. I arrived yesterday. At least I think it's like that, because if it had been a day before yesterday, I think I'd remember it. I also think that I must observe things well, so that I know that they really do happen. I think it came to nothing. In one moment there was nothing and in the other I am here, in this world, with this thought, this language, these trees, animals ... Unless more has happened and I do not remember them now, but I have in me alive the memory of yesterday and what I am living today, but before that I am not and I was nothing. I think I can only stay attentive and go live and compare every moment to see how life works. It may happen to me someday like the day before yesterday, nil, white, isolated. If it occurs, I may remember it and know how to best resolve this situation. So it will be better to start this diary now, so my memories are anchored in the ocean of things lived. Also, something tells me that the details will be important to the story one day. I think it will also be important to record how my days were here and then compare my perceptions. That's why I decided to create this Diary. And also because I feel like I'm an experiment. I find it impossible for a person to feel more like an experiment than I do. So I am convinced that this is what I AM: an experiment. But if I'm an experiment, am I unique? Will I be a unique experiment? I think not. I think the rest of you have your part in the project. Since all this is an experiment, will my position, my function be guaranteed, or do I have to observe and take care of it? I probably have to take care of her, I probably have responsibilities in this experiment.

Some INSTINCT tells me that eternal Vigilance is the price of SUPREMACY (Hulm, what a good phrase, for someone who has only two days to live). Speaking of two days, I think everything seems to be better today than it was yesterday. In the rush to finish yesterday, the mountains became rough and the plains so heaped with garbage and debris that the general appearance gave AFFECTION. Beautiful and noble works of art are not to be done in a hurry, and this MAJESTY new world is, in fact, a noble and beautiful work. Certainly it is a world close to perfection, although it has been done in such a short time. At night, I stared at the stars. There are so many in some parts of the sky and none in others, I think this can be fixed. And the moon? She let go last night and slipped through the night sky until she disappeared behind the mountains. It was a great loss and my heart ached to see her go away because she seems so beautiful. There is nothing here more FASCINATING to observe than the Moon. It should have been better fixed in the sky! Will we be able to get it back? It's hard to know. It's hard to know where she went. It's hard to go after her. What's more, if someone picks it up, they will not want to give it back! At least I'd like to stay with the moon just for me. I think I can be honest with everything else, but I begin to realize that the heart and center of my NATURE is the love of beauty, the passion of beautiful beauty, so do not ask me to give the Moon back if I find it around. I could return the moon if I found it during the day. But if I met her at night, I'd be very quiet with the moon just for me. I'd make up some excuse, I do not know. I love moons! They are so romantic and beautiful. I wish we had four or five of them, so I was never going to sleep! I was only going to lie on the mattress of leaves and straw, looking at GLASS at them. The stars are cool, too. I wish I could put some in my hair. But I think that's impossible. They seem INATING, they are very far away. At the beginning of last night, as soon as they appeared on the horizon, I tried to knock down one with a stick. But I did not reach her. Then I started playing TORRONS. Even my arm hurt and I get very tired. I did not drop any. Is it because I'm left-handed and not very skillful? Even as I tossed the clods and watched them sail through the air toward the golden CLUSTER of stars for forty or fifty times, I could not hit any of them. I started to cry with anger, disappointment, emotion for trying to reach the unattainable, for being at my limit. I think this is normal, is not it? When I stopped crying, I felt refreshed, rested, and decided to walk to the edge of the circle of land where I was. Walking to the horizon, where the stars get closer, this was my plan. There I could stand on tiptoe, stretch out my arms and pick them up with my hands! This idea seemed even better because I would not break any of them with sticks or clods.

I walked for hours. I only stopped when my legs could not take another step. My feet were also very bruised and no matter how hard I tried, the stars and the horizon remained as distant from me as I had at the beginning of my journey.