I'm Alive

Chapter 9

Bucky

Wanda looked deeply into my eyes, her palms hovering beside my temples, a soft warmth emanated from them as I was suddenly pulled into myself, into my own head. It was in shambles, the physical presence of it made my own heart feel like it were going to crack in two. I'd never realized just how damaged I'd become; I knew it was bad but not to this extent.

"I know exactly what I am looking for." She said to my left, though I couldn't bear to tear my eyes away from my own mess.

"I'd like you to take away some other things for me." I told her. "If you can."

"I cannot take away, only rearrange and change. Memories are vital to existence. What I can do for you here is mess with your memories, change what's been implanted into your head so that no one but yourself will know the answers to."

"And you too. You'll be the skeleton key in case something were to go wrong."

"I suppose so." She paused and finally stood before me, forcing my head to look down to her. "Are you ready, James?"

"Go for it." I nodded and she shut her eyes, turning away and lifting her mangled looking fingers, red dusty smoke rose from them, slithering away into a white light that began leaking from the cracks.

"Don't forget to breathe." She muttered before I felt the tearing open of my own mind. I bit my tongue, then my lip, anything to make sure I didn't scream in agony.

And then, just like that, in a mere moment it was over and I was looking right at her real form sitting in front of me.

"Still talking to Bucky or. . . ?" Sam said, startling me somewhat.

"It's me." I answered, smiling. Those words no longer haunted my head or crept up the back of my neck in eerie silence. I was now free.

"Prove it." Sam said, folding his arms and lifting his nose as if his opinion mattered more than anyone else's.

"When are you going to ask Stark to upgrade your suit? You look ridiculous in that bird costume." I stood up just as Wanda did. "Thank you, Wanda, for everything you've done here."

"Thank you for trusting me." She smiled and then shook my hand. "If you have concerns or something does not seem right, you come to me straight away."

"Yes, ma'am." I smiled and she walked off.

Steve walked in and nodded. "I hope it worked."

"Only one way to find out." I pulled a slip from my pocket and held it out for one of them to take.

"I'm not reading that. I don't want him to beat my ass into the wall if it triggers something." Sam backed off.

"At least you can admit I'm a bit stronger than you."

"You're faster, not stronger. There's a difference."

"Alright you two, quit it. You ready, Buck?"

"Go ahead." I nodded and took a breath, preparing myself mentally for having no control over my own actions. "I'm good."

"Okay." Steve cleared his throat and unfolded the paper. "Longing. . . Rusted. . . Seventeen. . . Daybreak. . . Furnace. . . Nine. . . Benign. . . Homecoming. . . One. . . Freight Car. . ."

Nothing. I was in control. Nothing felt wrong, or out of the ordinary. I looked up at Steve and Sam, feeling happy for the first time in years that I was completely in control of my own decisions. "It worked."

There was maybe an hour of decent celebrating and congratulating Wanda before it calmed down enough for me to get away from the thick of it. I wandered out from the lab and down the hallway. I hoped to catch sight of Wynnona in her room but it was dark and empty. That feeling in my gut didn't sit right, and I started fearing the worst. She couldn't be gone.