The Toxic Love

Chapter 4

On minute she was happily living her life with her grandparents and Ma-Papa, the next minute, she lost them and her parents had taken her away to a new place. To a new world. Away from her home. Away from her city.  Away from her life. Away from her roots. To a completely new world.

She felt lost. She felt afraid. Her new home where her own parents and brother lived strangely felt scary to her. The new place and surroundings made her lost. She hadn't recovered from the death of her family, there she was in a new place.

Moreover the big mansion scared her. The loneliness and isolation scared her. In Lucknow she lived in a surrounding where she was constantly surrounded by people. Be it her grandparents, Ma-Papa, neighbors, friends, everyone. But in the big mansion in Delhi, she felt alone and lost.

Her parents and brother were too busy in their own lives to bother about her. The only people she was surrounded by were the maids and staffs in the big mansion who changed every now and then. The constancy in her life was lost.

Moreover the new city scared her. The high profile life, her parents lived scared her. The new people and the difference in their way of living confused her.

She was brought up in a very simple and traditional way by her grandparents and Ma-Papa. She was instilled with high values and beliefs by her grandparents. Always being dressed in colourful and traditional salwars and Anarkalis, talking softly and straight forward, she never understood the doubt meaning behind the words, the people around her uttered.

But her innocence and beauty was something that attracted people. She was clumsy. But her cute clumsiness was admired by the people back at her home in Lucknow. But in her new world, her each wrong step was looked upon with disdain and contempt.

Her parents admonished her for her clumsiness. Her brother laughed at her for her beliefs. The people around her berated her for her appearance, her dressing style, her lifestyle. Slowly she started loosing her self confidence. She started loosing herself in her new world.

She had nobody to show her the right path. She had nobody to help her. She didn't had parents who helped her adjust in the new world. She didn't had brother who protect her and told her the difference between right and wrong. She didn't had friends who would support her and accept her the way she was.

She was completely loosing herself. In her attempts to regain a control on her life, she desperately tried to adapt herself in her new world. She did everything the world around her demanded her to do.

She changed herself. She changed her dressing style, her lifestyle. She forwent her beliefs. She didn't let go of her values but she didn't let people see her vulnerability. She hid her real self behind her rudeness, arrogance and indifference.

Her new friends made her life something else, which she never thought. She started living with the flow. She started living the life that her surroundings forced her to. She either had to become a porcelain doll who worked perfect in every way possible or she had to become that bad girl who was dark and rebellious.

She chose the second one. So as to not loose her freedom. She wanted to live a life. She didn't wanted to depended on anyone. Atleast not on her that parents who considered her to be an unwanted burden. The first perfect porcelain doll lifestyle would have taken away her freedom and would have forced her to be a puppet in her parent's hands which she never wanted.

She never wanted to burden them with herself anymore. She lived in their home but she lived her own life. Her indifferent and bratty tomboy behavior kept them away from her life which gave a chance to live for herself.

Even though she showed to the world as a rich spoilt brat, she lived her life in her own terms, the way she wanted. She did everything she wanted. She studied and came first in her academic and co curriculars. She avoided the high profile life of her parents and lived her simple life.