12 inch pianist joke [Dallon Weekes]

12 inch pianist

  And the 12-Inch pianist shrugs and he's like, "You know what? I'm over it. He always said I wouldn't amount to anything. It's because of my height. zwell now look at me, I'm a professional musician." and the pianist starts to laugh, but it's a forced kind of laughter. You can see the pain behind it. And then he's like, "when he was in the hospital he had one of the nurses call me, I was going to see him, bought a plane ticket and everything, but before I could make it back to Tampa," and then he starts to cry and he's like, "I just wish I had a chance to say goodbye to my old-" [Are you kidding me?] All of a sudden theres a big cloud of smoke and a Plymouth Voyager appears and the pianist is like, "I said old man not old van," and everybody laughs and then the pianist is like, "Your genie is hard of hearing."The bartender says "No kidding. Do you think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets them because the pianist is like "Oh my god, you really didn't want me?" Thebartender is like "No no no, it's not like that!" You know, trying to backpedal and the pianist smiles refruitfully (?) and says, "Once an accident, always an accident" and drinks all of his whiskey.The bartender's like, "Brian I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," and the pianist smashes his whiskey glass against the wall and says,"Well I didn't mean that!"The bartender's like "Woah calm down," the pianist is like,"Fuck you!" and he's really drunk because he's only one foot tall and his tolerance for alcohol is extremely low and he's like, "Fuck you asshole! Fuck you!" and he starts throwing punches but he's too small to do any real damage and eventually he just collapses into the bartender's arms and suddenly he had this revelation and he's like, "My god, I'm just like him. I'm just like him," and starts weeping.The bartender's like, "No you're not, you're better than he was."The pianist is like, "That's not true, I'm worthless!"And the bartender grabs the pianist by the shoulders and says, "Dammit Brian, listen to me. My life was hell before you entered it and now I look foreward to you every day. You're so talented and kind and you light up this whole bar. Hell, you light up my whole life and if I had a second wish, you know what it would be? It would be for you to realize how beautiful you are." and the bartender kisses the pianist on the lips.So the guy who's been watching all this, surprised because he didn't know the bartender was gay (it doesn't bother him it just catches him off-guard you know), so he goes into the bathroom to give a little privacy and there's the genie. So the guy's like, "Hey genie, you need to get your ears fixed."Now the genie's like, "Who says they're broken?" and he opens the door revealing the happy couple who are kissing each other and gaining strength from each other and the guy's like,"Well done."And the genie says, "that bartender's tiny penis is gonna seem huge for the piano player who wanted a tall boyfriend," and the graphic nature of that comment kills the moment. The genie's like "I'm sorry I should've left that part unsaid I always do that, I take things too far."And the guy's like, "Don't worry about it, let's grab a beer. It's on me."