My Anorexia Diaries

My Anorexia Diaries

May 13th, 2014 ~

I wasn't always such a mess. There was a time when I was genuinely happy, but that all changed about three years ago. I was 9. Hating my body image, I would stare in the mirror at night insulting myself horribly. I figured not eating was a way to lose weight. After all, all of those pretty and thin girls wasn't how I looked. I was chubby, fat, and no bones you could ever see. I thought to myself everyday, "You're not good enough, you'll never be like them." When I grew up, my eating habits became out of control. I was eating everyday, constantly going across the street to grab high-calorie snacks and shit that was going to make me fat. I let myself go, a lot. And eventually, I paid for it. I still don't look like any of the other girls in my grade, I'm 12 years old now. Young, I know, but eating disorders and depression don't have any certain age. I often got bullied because I was ugly and fat, all of the boys especially one named Anthony, would come up to me everyday chanting, "You're fat," or "You're ugly." They didn't know it effected me emotionally. I was five months clean beforehand, and that night I broke it. I hated life. And at only 10 years old, I tried to kill myself. By overdosing. It never worked. I've attempted suicide over 6 times. My mom doesn't know about this, she just knows that I self-harm. My cuts were never deep enough to do anything serious, and that made me ashamed with myself knowing how pathetic and weak I was. I'm still fighting anorexia, depression, and bulimia. So I figured I'd make a diary explaining everything or what happened that day. Goodbye lovelies. Xx

My Anorexia Stories

May 13th, 2014 ~

Hi.

It's becoming bad again. I've eaten 173 calories today total. It's awful. Too much food for today, honestly. Okay bye.

Skipped dinner yay :)

My Anorexia Stories

May 19th, 2014 ~

Sorry I haven't written in you in like forever aha. School is such a hassle. And now I have poison ivy all over me! I went to the hospital for it on Saturday, but it's not getting much better. And school is only getting worse with people calling me PoisonZilla. It's awful. But on the bright side, school ends in about 2 weeks, June 20th. Yay! I lost about 3 pounds in the last couple of days. I went from 96 pounds to 93.4 so I'm happy about that. I hope to be in the 80s by at least Thursday hopefully, the latest being Friday or Saturday. Well, this weekend is going to be hard because I'm going to a tournament in Manalapan with my team members, we're staying in a hotel. And that means-greasy, high-cal, food. That's disgusting! And I can't purge either so it's even more terrible. But oh well, I just need to suck it up. Xx

My Anorexia Stories

My 29th, 2014 ~

Sorry! I haven't been on in forever. Everything is just so stressing. I keep going up and then down. My weight is awful. I'm 94.2 at the moment. And I didn't achieve my goal to be in the 80s by last Friday, sadly. But I guess I have to have more determination. I've had about 80 calories today so far. And I'm going to try to skip dinner so yay. I'll just drink 0 calorie tea when I'm hungry so everything is under control... for now.