My poems

Sweet Smoke And Melancholy

The smell of clove and cinnamon waft through my room,
The smoke clouding my space,
The incense seemingly sucks away my hurt,
My pain,
My sadness turns to melancholy and i relax in my state of semi numbness,
Hope for tomorrow,
I take my life one step at a time,
Hoping i'll make it past my teenage years without offing myself,

The company gets lonely,
And the loneliness makes me think of her,
She's a common theme in my lines,
In my thoughts,
I never say her name but we know who she is,
She is my love,
The embodiment of my suffering,
She is a person,
Yes,
She was a person,

Now she is a demon who haunts my nightmares,
And an angel who i dream of during the day,
She is the reason for my suffering and the cause of these happy memories,
These lines are my mind,
These lines are where my mind wanders to in the rooms i learn,
These lines are being led off course,
These lines lead me to my fear of abandonment,

I have abandonment issues,
I wake up waiting for them to tell me to leave them alone,
I wake up thinking she'll come back only to leave again,
I'm alone,
Ive always felt alone,
She made me feel alone,
How could she do this to me,
How could they do this to me,

Why do I except this as the past and forget about what they did?
They are the reason for my anxiety
They are the reason for my hurt and pain and suffering they did this to me!

And she let them,
I was supposed to be her love,
Its been a year,
I Should be over this,
I know she's beyond over this,
Why do i care?

She may be my first love but i did not love her first,
She kissed me the night i confessed to her,
She said she was ok with affection,
Where did it all go wrong?
I cant recall,
I can blame the sun god,
I can blame the goddess of the night,
I could swear to the world it was their fault,
But it'll only make me hate myself more,

So here i sit,
And here ill sit,
In this soft melancholy surrounded by sweet smoke and sad music,
Hopeing she'll remember me,
Hopeing I'll hear from her again,
Hopeing she feels my pain.