Since We Found Serenity (A Firefly Fanfiction)

Chapter 4: Zoe's Secret

On the Serenity, one week after Inara's departure...

Zoe gripped the safety straps next to her seat and tried to fight down the rising bile in her throat. River and Mal were doing the best they could navigating the asteroid field orbiting across their path without getting hit, but that didn't mean it was all smooth sailing. She could still feel the twisting and rocking of the ship when Kaylee Tam walked by, as steady as you please.

She caught Zoe's dizzy grimace and her face twisted into a look of concern.

"Are you okay?"

If she opened her mouth to answer, Zoe knew vomit was inevitable.

"Think I'm sick," she muttered, and staggered her way to the nearest lavatory.

Once the vomiting subsided, Zoe allowed the captain to order her confined to her bunk. She trudged through the door...

His smell wafted off of every surface. How had she not noticed it? Zoe felt the emotions she had steadily mastered for so long suddenly spin out of her grasp. All she could see was his face; all she could hear was his voice; all she could feel were his arms around her.

Hoban; her Hoban. Her rock, her heart, her love. Hoban who wasn't particularly wise, or brave, or strong—but he was hers, and she was his.

Was.

She emerged from her outburst in a different place: the empty docking bay where Inara's shuttle usually attached. They had supplied her with a cot, a few belongings, and some provisions. Their message was clear: Take all the time you need.

So she did. Zoe Washburne mourned her husband as she had been longing to do ever since they left Miranda. Among the belongings were some photos:

Hoban in the cockpit with that ridiculous mustache that reminded her of a living, crawling caterpillar clinging to his lip...

The piecemeal wedding day when the two of them realized (in the midst of transporting illicit goods for a laundering service that dealt in more than just fine clothing) just how empty their lives would be without each other, and just how well they suited each other...

Hoban entertaining a group of village children on one of the desert planets; that time he surprised her with a new gun and a real wedding band...

The band she now wore on a chain around her neck, because she hadn't been able to bear seeing it on her finger. She dug it out now, still sobbing furiously all over again. Her hands, normally so steady they could hit a pinhead at one hundred yards, shook so bad she could hardly unclasp the chain. She slipped the ring off and placed it back into her finger, weeping as she seemed to feel his arms gather her close again. She curled into a ball and wept until she had no tears left. After that, it was a steady process of rebuilding all the shattered pieces of herself until she was ready to once again venture back out to her position as first mate.

Zoe activated the door, and nearly stumbled over a body just outside.

River scurried out of the way with a small squeak.

Zoe eyed the sleep sack and the bleary look in her eyes, never doubting for a moment that she probably looked the same in a mirror.

"How long was I in there?" She asked.

River stared at her face. "Sixteen days," she answered. "I kept watch."

More than two weeks. "What did I miss?"

"There was a shipment of drugs we delivered, two days late so Captain Reynolds had to fight a man. We almost got caught by soldiers again, but they stopped chasing us after Jayne led them into a trap."