The Real Story of Romeo and Juliet

6

Dear Rachel,

I started fighting again.

If you were here you would slap me silly I know.

It's nice to feel something though.

This time I don't win. This time I let them hit me. I hit first and then I stop hitting.

I don't fight back.

I want to feel the punches. I want to feel the kicks. It's the only time I even feel.

I walk around numb all day every day. I need to get hit.

I need to know that I am alive.

Preston stops them from beating me to death.

But here's something crazy. I don't want them to stop. I want them to beat me until my body can't take it anymore.

I haven't cried yet. I don't cry. I can't cry.

The first night I decided to fight again I didn't know Preston was there. I walked up where two guys were fighting and I stood in the middle. I pushed them both apart and told them it was my turn.

They all remembered me. I was a good fighter in the streets back then. Nobody wanted to fight me. So I picked out the guy I knew had a short fuse and an anger problem. I walked right over and punched him in the face. Not hard enough to knock him out just hard enough to piss him off. He got off the ground and attacked me.

I let him. It felt good. Well, it hurt but I felt something. I felt the pain of his fists colliding with my face. And I liked it. I started to actually laugh. I laughed hard until I started to lose consciousness and I woke up at Preston's house.

Preston said that guy was going to kill me because I was laughing. He pulled him off of me and took me home.

My face has been a wreck since I've started letting people beat me. My nose is broken and it's been reset a total of five times. I have stitches every where. Teeth are missing and I have some major bruises. And with nobody to kiss my wounds better, they stay.

Everyone's worried about me but I don't know why.

Kids at school stare at me. Like I'm a freak. Like there's something wrong with me. I say it's just the fight wounds but it's not just that because they've been staring like that for a long time.

There's nothing wrong I'm fine.

I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

Love,

Keenan