Falling Together

Snow. Falling from the sky as it reaches my skin and melts in. I think back to when I was warm, when we were warm, both still breathing. She would lay next to me, her heartbeat against mine. I still feel her hand. Her soft skin against mine, the intimacy of the pressure. Her eyes icy blue like the winter sky before the clouds. Before the storms. I remember her breath. Crystal before her lips touched mine. Then pulled away only to be brough back again. It's funny how things work like that. The farther we pull away, the more you want to be brought back. I want her back. Her grasp and her laugh, everything that came with her. 

I look into the sky, I'm not sure what it is I'm looking for though. It seems endless. The amount of something you could put into such a huge void is overwhelming. Maybe that's why people get so dizzy when they look up. I wonder if she got dizzy when she looked up, or maybe if she liked it. I can't keep thinking about her, it's not healthy for me. I don't want to stop though, I don't want to ever forget about her. I don't know how I would, but I feel obligated to keep her in my mind, like I owe it to her. 

She never showed any signs of it, she hid it so well. I wonder if she was ever truly happy with me. I wanted to give her everything. I guess I didn't.

I remember the walks we use to take on this old bridge in a meadow near my house. In the winter it's covered in snow. When you look at all the trees and the frozen pond, everything is so grey and white you feel like you're in an old movie. I liked it that way, nothing too unclear but nothing too clear. I wonder all the time if she liked it that way too. We were the colors in our black and white movie. 

We use to lean over the railing and look down. The pond was always covered in a slate of ice with a few stray leaves laying ontop. A life so high off the ground only to end falling onto something cold and hard. Maybe that's how she felt.

I always wondered what was inside her head. Maybe it would have driven me mad too. I wish I knew. I wish I read the signs and pieced everything together. Maybe she'd still be with me here. Maybe we'd be thinking about our future or how beautiful the world is in the winter. 

Events always change the way you see things. Before she took her life, I saw the winter as a beautiful art exhibit of nature. Now I see it as natures way of grieving the loss of something so beautiful. 

She was so gorgeous. Everything she did was beautiful. Her beautiful black hair, her pale skin blushed with a rosey tint, and her gorgeous blue eyes. What went beyond her eyes was something no one will understand. When I looked into them, I saw love. I saw hope and happiness. I saw the person I wanted to spend every second with. I took her eyes for granted. Not seeing the deeper meaning. The blue of her eyes held her sorrow and her pupils held the darkness she was feeling.

Lying on my bed, we'd talk for hours. Talking would lead to kissing and kissing would lead to more. The warmth of her body was enough for the both of us to share. Her soft lips always brought me in and her smile was all I ever wanted. 

"I love you," she said to me one night.

"I love you too," I said. 

I looked up at the sky one more time. 

"I'll see you soon." 

And I let myself fall.