I'm loved?

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“If you feel your hourglass is running empty…..let God turn you around.”

                                                                                                                                    -Anonymous

            Before the sun started to rise the next morning I awoke to my cell phone vibrating on my bedside table, looking at the caller ID I saw that it was just a reminder of a doctor’s appointment for today.   I slipped silently out of bed, grabbing my leather journal and a pen.  I slipped quietly as a mouse out of my window and onto the roof into the fresh morning air.  I opened my journal and began to write. 

Dear baby,

Hi again, I’m going back to the doctor today and I get to find out if you are a boy or a girl.  I just want you to remember I will love you know matter what you turn out to be.  I told Seth that you are also his baby and he slapped me…I ran out crying.  I made a new friend though, her name is Rose and she is really pretty.  I just know you would like her.  Right now I am sitting on the roof watching the sun rise, it’s beautiful, I love you baby.

            The sun was fully in the sky and it was a beautiful crystal clear day.  I closed the journal and went back inside.  I put away my small notebook and began to get ready.  I put on a little white skirt that ended just above the knee, a pastel pink tank top with a white sweater over the top and rainbow colored flats.  I walked out of my bedroom and into the hall.  The white walls were covered in an endless amount of pictures, some artwork along with family photos spanning the years from my birth to present time.  I smiled and walked down the stairs and through the living room into the kitchen.  My mom was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. 

“Good morning,” I said as I poured a cup of coffee. 

“Good morning,” she replied as I sat down across from her. 

“How did you sleep?” I asked hoping for something other than a one word answer. 

“Fine” she replied, ending our conversation and leaving us sitting in awkward silence.  I quickly finished my coffee put my mug in the sink, I went back upstairs to brush my teeth and finish getting ready.  I grabbed my stuff and headed down the stairs, my mom was waiting by the door and we quickly left the house and were on our way to my appointment. 

~*~

            It was about an hour later that we walked out of the office, baby names were swirling around my head, I was going to have a baby boy, of all the names that came to mind none of them stood out to me.  Mom drove me to school in a hurry; she was late to work, while we were in the car I got a text message from Jasper:

 “Hey Janie I think we should break up” was all it said, but it was enough to kill me inside.  We pulled into the school parking lot and I got out of the car, hot tears streamed down my face as if they were racing against each other. It was lunch time so just sat down against a tree and let the tears flow. 

“Hello?”  I heard voice say, I looked up and saw a handsome boy with black messy hair and icy blue eyes, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’re upset, I wanted to make sure that you are okay.”

I wiped my eyes and said, “Not really I’ve just been going through a lot lately.” 

“I’m Eli,” he said, “Do you want to tell me what happened?”  I nodded and began to tell him everything. 

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