Hello Friend!

The Story

  It started out as a calm, normal day at the police station. The air was slightly hot and stuffy inside the building. The ceiling lights were bright white and glared at the equally white and glaring walls and ceiling. The air smelled faintly like pine-scented floor cleaner. A black-and-white tiled floor lay across the ground. There was an occasional quiet noise as people walked around and sat completeing tasks and paperwork.

  The front door opened and someone walked in. Several people did double takes and others forgot to be polite and just stared. Maybe because he was stimultanousely bald and covered in fur, or because his feathers were a primary color they hadn't seen before, or because his clothes were stitched together with liquid Kool-Aid. *

  He walked up to a police officer who was writing out a schedule. "Hello friend!" he greeted him.

  "Do I know you?"

  "Not in this life. I want to report a murder."

  "Okay, thank you for letting me know." His brain ached as he tried to process the person's appearance. There must be a logical explanation, he told himself. Maybe this person comes from a culture where his appearance is normal.

  The person with feathers looked around and noticed the curious people staring at him. "What is it? Do I look unfriendly?" He smiled at them. The smile made his mouth stretch all the way around his head* and part of his head fell off.

  People instantly started talking and gagging, pointing at the half of head sitting in a puddle of multicolored blood. "Sir!?" The policeman shouted.

  The creature picked up the piece of head and set it back in its spot,* and the skin and flesh healed together in the span of two seconds. "Sorry about that! I'll try not to smile that big."

  The policeman felt his heart pound in his ears. He wondered if this person was a robot, or if something was causing him to hallucinate. Without realizing he touched the taser at his belt to make sure it was still there.

  "The murder is a short walk away," the person announced, hopping to the door. The policeman followed him, forcing himself to look calm.

  The policeman stepped outside and walked into the parking lot to get a police car.

  "No, it's here!" The person with feathers was standing next to a tree roughly fifty yards away. Someone was murdered that close to the police station?!, the policeman thought. He walked up to the tree.

  It was a large oak tree with bright green leaves and brownish-gray bark. Four crows with dark glossy feathers perched in it. Two stood facing each other with their beaks touching like they were a couple. Maybe they came here to eat the corpse, the policeman thought.

  "I've never seen so many of them in one spot before," the person with feathers said.

  "Where is the murder?"

  "Right there," the person said, pointing at the tree's branches.

  The policeman stared, scanning every leaf and twig as he walked in a slow circle around the tree. There was no corpse, no blood, no signs of human interference at all. "Is this a prank?" He asked the person, searching his face for any signs of dishonesty.

  "No." He seemed completely honest, just confused.

  "I don't see any signs of a murder."

  "The murder is right there!" He pointed and the policeman quickly turned to look. Nothing had changed. He began to scan the tree again, trying not to feel angry.

  "While you figure it out I have important business to do." The person started hopscotching away, stopping to say "Hello, wife!" at a cow. The cow was black and white with multicolored eyes, a popular breed in America other than the multicolored eyes. It stood eating grass, then turned into a person who looked almost exactly like the person the policeman had just talked to, but as tall as a tree. "Hello wife!" It repeated.